Tag Archives: Issue 21

Commencement Remarks

The following are remarks given at the May 2024 Commencement of the MFA Program at Queens University of Charlotte:

In general, I don’t like giving speeches. Giving a speech requires standing in front of a group of people while they stare at you… and it also requires talking. I’m a writer. I like to write stuff for other people to say.

And this speech especially is the speech I didn’t want to give. Why? Because I feel wildly unqualified to give you advice. There’s no wisdom here, no silver bullet. No one thing that will bring into focus everything you’ve learned at Queens, and everything you’ve learned before Queens, where you might say “That’s it. I’ve been waiting for someone to say this very thing.” Well that’s just not going to happen.

All I have to offer you are my own stories and experiences. My hope is that maybe you’ll find some useful advice in these brief anecdotes. If not, then I owe you five minutes of your life back. Let’s pretend we’re having a fireside chat… but in May… in Charlotte. Who cares that it’s 90° outside. Anything’s possible, it’s Hollywood after all.

I’ll begin with this: Always take the meeting…

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from Portraits of Imaginary Poets

When it was time, the old woman lay down on the forest floor. She furred with moss; she became the ages of the trees. Each year, new shawls of orange leaves, flowing gowns of snow. She lay waiting still. In all her life, never a sound had crossed through her lips. She spent her days sweeping corners clean of unwantedness; any feather on the floor was hers to keep. Children whispered tales—she was a witch; when she had gone, she’d been devoured, frightened rabbit, by an owl. Never a footstep troubled the ground where tree roots held her close.

 

How achingly

long she waited,

her stories

red in her mouth.

One day a murmuration

rose out of the trees,

crackling the sky, blackening

the forest in sound.

Spotting her at last

one drifted down,

perched on her breast,

and fed her as its own.

 

“My dearest

uncanny

creature—

Tell me—”

Blessedness

“Be very quiet,” advised the Duke, “for it goes without saying.”
The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster

Old poet wakes to the fable of himself.
More snow has fallen and the trees are white.

Enter a fox. Now he will watch all day
to see what else.

In a far different county on the margin
or as it were the shore of a silver field of rye
with a borrowed fly rod, casting as he
had been taught again and again
a flicker of red yarn at the end of the line

dancing farther out each shivering as it shivered
and curled and sang over the shimmering lake
as if to conjure by this titillation
his dream of a leaping trout—

angling with nothing, by the slingshot
of this new, loco motion,
to catch nothing more than this ancient technique.

It was yesterday, in the white room of the ortho clinic
the computer screen with the ghostly
sculpture of his lucent pelvic bones–
arches and empty places where the pathologist
says cartilage would be doing its work.

A dreamscape, a cage showing signs of thinning
age, but no telltale cracks to worry about.
Not ice. Not broken at the fundament.

Could still swerve and pulse to the beat.
Like fishing, to love without intention
except for the blessedness.

 

Turn on the Sink

Whenever a man follows me too close,
I think of my Nana scrubbing out my father’s mouth

with clementine soap, like a mudslide in frosted tip
southern California, just after the Ham Man stopped

by on Christmas Eve to deliver their annual lump
of cinnamon crusted gorgeous fat—

how when anonymous footsteps don’t pass
me on the sidewalk but shuck themselves into shadows

I replay my father punching through his sister’s
Brady Bunch drum set, his bottom lip the border

between pleasure & punishment, that smirk before
suds swallowed, the purpling passed down paint-by-number

of our family’s jawbones canoeing around each other
but the water is frozen, the water is frozen.

Glorious Debris

We should formulate a solution. Perhaps an immaculate
contraption to reverse the heartbreak, to unflatten the little
rabbit. The tread mixed with red is not a good match
for the fur. Your conviction (gulp) that you will endure
a going-to-church accident is not unfounded.
A little joggle should free you from the muck

… [Click here to purchase a copy of the magazine]

Field of Blackbirds

A man collapses sideways
into his wife’s arms,
his ridiculous hat falling.

But she is not there to catch him.
She has already departed
for the field of blackbirds.

Oak leaves tremble.
Lime blossoms drift over the water.
Six centuries pass by unnoticed.

The man’s house stands vacant,

… [Click here to purchase a copy of the magazine]

Bear

Till age twelve, I fear
fire like a bear come
from the trees to maul me. I shy
away from patchouli incense
left smoldering by my hippy mother,
yahrzeit candles Bubby and Zaidy
burn for their dead.

Till Bubby huffs in frustration, Don’t hate
the beast for its nature, and passes
me a matchbox—her twisted
brown hand to my round white one.
I remove a single twig, pinch it
between thumb and pointer finger
like it might ignite by its own desire.
I flick the red head
against countertop as I’ve seen Bubby
do a thousand times (even with arthritis
she’s quicker than me).

Three strikes it takes for my spark
to catch. Then the magic trick
of combustion—sudden hiss
where I manage, just, not to drop
the match. In a flash, flame rises
on hind legs, then settles
to its haunches, watching me.
Orange as a ginger cat, crimson
like my mother’s new Vega.

Are you afraid
still of such a nincompoop? Bubby asks
of my thimble-sized blaze. I shake
my frizzy head. Now blow it out,
she says, and I do
before it bites my skin.

But later, while she and Zaidy dream
in their too-cold bedroom, I slow-
tiptoe downstairs and light match
after match till I feel sure. Till fire
comes when I call
and leaves without a single snarl
when I finally send it home.

Sometimes Sainthood Never Comes

To her question about childhood, he shrugged.
Couldn’t figure out how to say it.

As a boy, he had tried the choir and quit.
Served at the altar for a single summer and fall.

Once, he pilfered church wine and rubbed it
across a small wound to feel for Jesus.

He had studied the Stations of the Cross.
It could be done, he thought.

The carrying, the nailing, the bystanding,
the enduring, the imploring,

believing
in what can be felt but not seen.

All around, it didn’t seem that hard.
At least not impossible.

But the church pushed harder than it pulled,
while the world told other stories.

And now they were traveling for the summer,
eating breakfast outside the tent

they had pitched in a field by the Deschutes River.

… [Click here to purchase a copy of the magazine]

Troubled

A one act play

Setting
A camp for troubled teens. Present day. Or close enough.

Characters
JESS, 16. Queer. Puts up walls and burns down bridges (and towns).
WENDY, late 40s or early 50s. A shell of (self) hatred. Head counselor at the camp.
RAYLEIGH, 17. Weaker than she looks. Stronger than she feels.
CONNOR, 17. Worried about who he’ll become.

Summary
Three young adults struggle to hold on to their sense of self at a camp for troubled teens while going head-to-head with a counselor far more broken than she lets on.

 

Lights up on JESS sitting on a swivel chair in front of a large but organized desk. The chair on the other side of the desk is empty. Jess spins from side to side on the chair, kicks her foot against the desk, reaches for a picture frame that’s facing away from her, picks it up to examine it, then jumps when she hears a knock at the door behind her. She hastily returns the picture frame to its place on the desk as WENDY enters.

 

WENDY

Jessica! Hello. I’m sorry if I’ve kept you waiting.

JESS

Jess.

WENDY

I’m sorry?

JESS

It’s Jess.

Wendy walks around the desk and sits down across from Jess.

WENDY

Of course. You can be called whatever you want here.

Just let the counsellors know.

JESS

Really? Whatever I want?

WENDY

Within reason. Of course.

JESS

Of course.

Wendy picks up a file from her desk, glances over it while she speaks to Jess.

WENDY

Do you know why you’re here, Jess?

JESS

My parents sent me.

WENDY

Yes. But why did they send you, do you think?

JESS

Because I’m not performing to their preferences?

Wendy finally looks up at Jess.

WENDY

We’re here to help you, Jess.

We’re not the enemy.

JESS

And how exactly do you plan on helping me here?

WENDY

Encouragement. Guidance.

JESS

Manual labor?

WENDY

Our purpose here is to give you a greater sense of purpose.
So yes. Everyone at the camp helps with daily chores and maintaining the grounds.

JESS

And that’s meant to turn me straight by…?

WENDY

We’re not trying to turn you straight, Jess.
You’re just looking for meaning in all the wrong places.

JESS

How is a place like this even still around?

WENDY

If there weren’t parents who cared as much about their children as yours do, you’re right.
We probably wouldn’t be around.
Not after the Governor stopped allowing tax dollars to fund our mission.

… [Click here to purchase a copy of the magazine]