CAST

Sam: Male, 25-30 years old, African-American. Jill’s husband. He’s in the third year of a four year prison sentence.

Jill: Female, 25-30 year old, white, Sam’s wife. They have a seven year old son that she’s supported while waiting for Sam’s release. She’s a strong person, not a whiner or whimperer.

SETTING

All the set really needs is a bed. Takes place in a small mobile home or trailer inside the prison yard. This trailer is used exclusively for conjugal visits. In the trailer are minimal, spartan furnishings, basically a bed and maybe the counter of a very minimal kitchen.

There is an exit to a bathroom.

TIME

Present

Note

Jill has visited Sam many times in prison, however, this is the first conjugal visit. A conjugal visit is an overnight visit by a prisoner’s husband or wife. These generally take place close to the end of prisoner’s sentence with the goal of providing a controlled/safe environment for the couples to get to know each other again. Also used to reward good behavior in prisoners. The play opens with two monologues, one by Sam, one by Jill. I see these pieces as being spoken in a sort of limbo. They are not audience address pieces but rather letters that might have been written and never sent. I picture Sam and Jill on opposite sides of the stage. Jill speaks first in a spotlight, then Sam. Whether the person who is not speaking should be doing something is left to the director. Sam might be smoking, Jill might be packing. The idea of these monologues is to reinforce the idea of their separation/isolation.

(Spotlight up on Jill)

JILL

I never take a book or magazine on the bus with me. I do it on purpose so that I spend that time thinking of you. It’s a good time to do it, think about you, gone. First thing in the morning on the way to work and then afterwards, going home. So I spend time each day with you, so you’re part of everyday. It’s a good place too, there on the bus, cause I won’t cry in front of all those people. And the week of our visit, I plan what I’m going to tell you. What Donny said, and how your Mom came over, and about painting the backporch. I make a list in my mind of all the outward things that make up our lives. That pass the days and nights, and weeks, and years.

I almost never cry anymore. I’ve gotten way better, but sometimes something will set me off. Like last last night I was laying in bed and it was real hot. I had the sheets off and was just laying there in the dark, listening to some talk show. They’re the best for putting you asleep. Anyway, they said something and it made me remember the first night we met and you came home with me. I was never like that, you know, and I thought, “Jesus, he’s gonna think I’m like that.” But we sat up in bed and it was hot, just like this, but I had all the covers pulled up cause I was nervous. And you talked, god you talked. You told stories all night. Just held my hand and told stories. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. it was like you’d saved up everything you’d ever done just to tell me that night. And it wasn’t till the next morning that we did it. And I was glad, you know? That we waited till it was light cause I could see the way your skin looked against mine, black on white. Then I went into the bathroom and I remember my knees were shaking. I thought to myself, “I better sit down before I fall down.” And I cried just a little there on the toilet, just a little. Just like I did last night and like I’m doing now.

Anyway Donny came into my room, he must’ve heard me and you know, he’s real good about it. I mean he’s getting old enough to understand. It still scares him though, I mean to see his Mom crying like that. So I stop myself. I think of words that don’t mean anything. Unimportant words… like aluminum… or powdered sugar. Wool. It almost always works. Pepper. Lemon Pledge. And I picture each thing in my mind, I mean really concentrate on each thing for like five seconds. Sometimes it even makes me laugh, the different things look so damn ridiculous just sitting there in my mind. Casserole. Corned beef. And I think to myself…” I’m going down to the store for a squash… or a gourd. The only time it doesn’t work is when I think of how many unimportant… how goddamn many unimportant words have somehow got into my life since you’ve been away.

(Spotlight dims on Jill, then comes up on Sam)

SAM

Thing was big, man. I mean it was a big damn ship and I was all the way at the top. I remember’d coming up through the decks, all these stairs up. They was after me and I was runnin’ and now there was nowhere else to run to. I looked out the window and it was white everywhere, snow and ice. Flashin’ in the sun like off glass. Glitterin’ like some giant parkin’ lot covered busted glass. I haul ass out on to this balcony. And way down there, solid fuckin’ ice. Sheer white. I start panickin’ man, cause now I know what’s that’s comin’ after me. The ice-monster. He’s down there coming for me. I gotta get outta here. Someone comin’ up the metal stairs. Tryin’ to close it, somethin’ to block it up with. Then I see it’s you comin’ round the corner, up the stairs. “Honey, you’re here, we gonna make it out ok,” But you pointin’ back sayin’ there’s two men comin’, “gonna help us, gonna save us.” They two guards from the prison. I know they helpin’ the iceman. They got you fooled. I slam the door fore you get in. I slam it, tears streamin’ down my face. I lock you out Jill honey, cause they tricked you. You screamin’ at me. I run across to the other door. Wood splinterin’ behind me. He’s comin’. I can’t let him get me. I’m through the other door and slam it, smashin’ his ice hands and ice fingers, but it won’t close. I run to the rail of the balcony and he right behind me. I dive off and try to fly. I flap my arms but I’m fallin’. The solid ice comin’ up fast and it’s all on fire, white flames lickin’ across it. I’m gonna die. I know I’m gonna die, but then I realize, just before I hit, that it’s better. It’s better to die than let the ice monster get me. Way better. I think to myself, “I choose to die. I want to die than let the ice man get me.” Then I hit. I wake up and look at the springs, the stained mattress above me, dirty white sheets caught in the steel mesh, ripped. it’s still kind of dark and I lay there. I think bout that dream and look at the top bunk. Outline of the guy’s body pressin’ down through the foam and I remember last night a couple hard-timers slappin’ this new guy around. Hasslin’ him for some smokes. They don’t even want the cigarettes. Just want to break in the new punk, cause he been outside free while they been in here. They leave and I hear him cryin’ in the dark…and I was happy. Happy it ain’t me. Happy they just leave me alone.

I wake up from the dream and I know right away where I am. Used to be that I think I was still dreamin’ when I see that damn bunk over me and look over at a window got bars on it. I lay there thinkin’ if maybe that dream come part out of a book I read. Tryin’ to remember the last time I read a book. I’m layin’ there and I suddenly think about you and I remember what day it is. You comin’ here to the prison, to stay overnight. I close my eyes. It’s been so long. I been through so many changes now. It all seem like another dream.

(Spotlight dims on Sam. Sam, then Jill enters the trailer space as the lights come up. She is carrying her overnight bag and a bag containing food, gifts, etc.)

JILL

Sam?

SAM

Hello mama.

JILL

God Sam, is that really you?

(They move into each other’s arms and kiss.)

SAM

Yeah.

JILL

I mean is this real? We’re really here.

SAM

I’ll show you somethin’ real, you put this stuff down, sweetheart.

(Kiss)

Jesus, I’ve missed you.

JILL

Ok, ok. Just hold on.

(She pushes him away and puts the bags on the counter. She surveys the room.)

So this is it? I mean the place we’re staying?

SAM

Yeah, not too damn bad, hunh? Lemme give you the grand tour.

(Sits on bed and pats it invitingly.) This is the bed.

(She walks around the bed, hesitant.)

JILL

I mean is there even a bathroom?

SAM

Damn girl, I give you the rest of the tour later. Come on over and at least say hello.

JILL

(Jill approaches bed and smiles.) Hello.

SAM

Come over here, lover.

(Sam pulls her into an embrace which quickly escalates to more than just a kiss and a hug.)

JILL

Sam…

(Pushes him back a bit.) hold on a minute… wait.

SAM

Wait for what?

JILL

Just give me a minute. Least tell me how you are.

SAM

How am I?

JILL

Yeah.

SAM

I’m three years worth of horny for you girl. (He tries to pull her in again.)

JILL

No, come on… honey… Sam. Stop… come on…

SAM

You come on.

JILL

No, I mean, wait a minute. Ok?

SAM

Wait a minute.

JILL

Yeah.

SAM

What’s the matter with you? First time we been alone in a room for three years and you tellin’ me wait a damn minute.

JILL

I don’t know. It’s just that…

SAM

What? Just what?

JILL

I just want to… just give me a minute. Talk to me first.

I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Just hold me and talk for a minute. Ok?

(Pause)

SAM

(He holds her.)

I love you baby. I just missed you’s all.

JILL

I know. I love you too. I miss you so much.

SAM

Damn, I’ve missed you woman.

JILL

(She pulls away.)

I know, I know. I’m just nervous or something. I don’t know. It’s just not… I mean this isn’t how I pictured things. You know?

SAM

Ah, Jill honey.

(Reaches for her hand.)

JILL

I think that search just upset me.

SAM

What d’you mean? They do somethin’ to you?

JILL

No, no. I mean I knew I they was gonna search me and all but it was just so… dirty. The room was dirty and this woman smelled like… I don’t know… sour. And I thought, “Oh god.” And she pulled all my stuff out and held up the new nightie I got, like maybe she was thinking of buying it or something. Like it was merchandise, like I was merchandise at some cheap sale. Hold my arms out.

Spread my legs. Her fingers on me. Touching me. And then she said to get dressed and go into this little trailer out in the yard, all surrounded with barbwire. I thought it was just another waiting room and I came in and saw you but I wasn’t expecting you… and I… I… I don’t know. It was just so dirty.

SAM

Hey, it’s all right, honey. It’s ok. hey, I get searched everyday. It don’t mean nothin’.

JILL

I know, I know…

SAM

What’d you ‘spect? They gonna search you in a doctor’s office or somethin’?

JILL

No… I didn’t know.

SAM

Hey, come on now. It’s just us here now. Come on…come on over here. It’s my turn to search you.

JILL

Can I take a shower first?

SAM

A shower?

JILL

Yes, please?

SAM

You just got here.

JILL

I know. I just feel dirty, that’s all. And I want to take a quick shower. It’ll calm me down.

SAM

I don’t want you calmed down.

JILL

You know what I mean. Just get freshened up.

SAM

So I guess I make you feel dirty.

JILL

No! Come on Sam, please. It was just that woman and…

this place and I feel like… I just want to get clean, change my clothes. Start fresh. I know I’m being silly.

SAM

What’d you expect here? This is all we got babe.

JILL

I know, I know.

SAM

You know what they call this place, you wanna feel dirty? They call it Motel 69. Yeah. Motel 69.

(Not shouting, sad and bitter.)

They be after me all week, “Hey Sambo, you gonna get a little off your wife? Hunh? She able to swallow the whole thing?” Yeah, and I got to just take it cause I say one word and I’m down in the hole and you ain’t comin’. I got to lick ass for months to get here and now it makes you feel dirty.

JILL

Sam…

SAM

“Hey Sambo, how come you got a white woman? You don’t like dark meat? She as good as everyone say she is Sambo?”

JILL

Please…

SAM

“Think she forgot how to do it or maybe she been practicin’ while you been inside. Maybe she got some new tricks she…”

JILL

Sam!

SAM

I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

JILL

Stop it.

SAM

Go on. Take your damn shower.

JILL

SAM… please! Stop it.

SAM

Not for another year I ain’t going nowhere. Go ahead on, wash it all away.

JILL

Stop it!!! (Pause)

I’m sorry! I wanted everything to be perfect. I just want to be clean and put on my new things. Let’s just start over. Calm down. I’ll wash my face and it’ll be all right. Ok? Please?

SAM

Sure… like I say… I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

(She’s hurt, starts to say something but then just grabs her bag and goes toward the bathroom. He stops her.)

Just don’t be gone too long or I’ll come in to get you!

JILL

Promise?

(He jumps at her and she slams the door. He lays down whistling. Then he gets up and listens at the bathroom door. He undoes his pants, opens the door and flashes her.)

SAM

Whoooeeee!

JILL

Hey! Out!

(He laughs and backs out. Sam goes over to the bag of food and starts rummaging through. As he does he sings a little song to himself that he makes up as he goes along. The bluesy/ jazzy lyrics may go something like this “My baby does it in the morning, my baby does it at night, etc.” He dances and sings and sorts through the things in the bag, unwrapping things, tasting and smelling. Generally making a happy mess. He finds the dessert and takes a bite or two. Jill comes out dressed in robe and negligee. She is clean, calm, sexy… strikes a seductive pose…)

Well, what do you think?

(Sees Sam with mouthful of dessert and the general mess.)

Oh no, Sam!

SAM

Hey, this pretty good Mama. Almost tastes as good as you!

JILL

That’s supposed to be for dessert.

SAM

Darlin’ you my dessert and I’m gonna eat you all up.

JILL

Sam, come on, stop eating that.

SAM

I’m hungry.

JILL

So you’re hungry, you eat? You can’t wait for me? You can’t see I’ve got something special planned.

SAM

Hey come on now, a man’s hungry he got to eat.

JILL

I was gonna make you dinner. A nice dinner.

SAM

Shit, the way you actin’ I thought you just come to take a damn shower. I thought maybe the shower facilities at home busted or somethin’, so you thought you’d…

JILL

Stop it and stop eating that.

SAM

I’m not sposed to eat this?

JILL

No.

SAM

(Quietly)

Then what did you bring it for? Hunh girl? What in the hell did you bring it for?

(He drops the dessert on counter.)

JILL

Sam! What’s the matter with you?!

SAM

Me? Woman, what d’you think’s the matter with me?

What are you thinkin’ bout? We finally alone together after three years, I want to and it make you feel dirty, you gotta take a shower. I’m hungry but you say “no, you can’t eat.” What the hell’s the matter with you?

JILL

I don’t know! I’m just too nervous and it’s making me upset.

SAM

So now I make you feel nervous.

JILL

No! It’s not you. I’m just scared it’s not gonna work out. That everything’ll go wrong, and now it has. I just wanted… I just want tonight to be perfect. Just the two of us alone. Shut out everything else. Just us two. I guess I just imagined something different.

SAM

What? You think this was gonna be the Garden of Eden or somethin’? Cause it ain’t. You understand? This is prison baby. Inside! We lucky to have this!

JILL

No. I know it sounds dumb but I thought maybe we could act like, well… pretend we was at home. Like maybe we sent Donny over to your Mom’s and it was just us two having a nice quiet night at home. A normal evening at home. Like everybody else.

SAM

Hell, why not pretend we at the Hilton Hotel? Then we cold just call up the damn room service. “Bring us up some strawberry daiquiri and be damn quick about it.” That ok with you baby or maybe we can get some of them maitais, “Yeah, two double maitais and don’t forget the umbrellas.”

JILL

(Forcefully)

I… just… wanted… to give you one night… at… home. The way it’s sposed to be, should be. Just for one night to act

like we was at home together. Just one night. That’s all I wanted. That’s all.

SAM

You talkin’ crazy woman.

JILL

I don’t care if it is crazy. It’s better than being in prison. Isn’t it? What’s wrong with just wanting to feel like you’re at home for one night. I mean you aren’t getting out for another year. For now this is all we got. If that’s crazy I say fine, so what. You just sit there and I’ll cook dinner and we can talk… or you can read the paper. I brought you the sports.

SAM

Read the paper.

JILL

You just sit and relax while I get dinner ready. Stay there, ok?

SAM

Pure bullshit.

JILL

For me please? It’s all I’ve asked for in all this time. You just do it.

SAM

Ok, ok… crazy bullshit though. Ok.

JILL

(Pause)

I got us a nice big porterhouse steak. You should’a seen the look on the man’s face when I asked for it. I mean, like I was the first person in ten years to order one. He got real excited and started telling me all about how porterhouses was the best cut and you could tell people that knew good meat and stuff like that. I made his day.

SAM

Porterhouse.

JILL

Yeah… and you know what’s wild? I didn’t even know what one was. It just came into my head while I was standing there. Just a word. I wanted something special for you and it just came out of my mouth. Porterhouse. And then he gave me this. I mean look at it. It’s huge.

(Pause)

And then you know when I got home I was in the kitchen talking to Donny. Oh Sam, you should’a heard him. he wanted to come along with me. To stay here overnight with you. He couldn’t understand how come he couldn’t come and I was trying to explain, but I mean he’s only seven and well I couldn’t tell him that we was gonna be, well you know. Anyway, it was kinda sweet and funny.

SAM

You bring that picture of him?

JILL

Yeah! I had it blown up. (Gets picture out.)

Don’t he look cute. With his little bat and all.

SAM

Darlin’ he look just fine.

JILL

Oh yeah. Anyway, what I started to tell you was that while I was talking to him, our neighbor, old Mrs. Holstein?

SAM

Who?

JILL

You know, that really big woman that lives next door? I told you. TV addict. Anyway she comes running out her back door chasing her dog. And you should see this dog, it’s like a little swelled up sausage itself. It’s got one of her slippers and she’s chasing it in her housecoat and curlers and wearing the other slipper, and she’s going (country accent) “Candy Cane! You bring Mama’s slipper back you hear me? You bring Mama’s slipper right back here.” Can you believe it? The dog’s name? Candy Cane. I swear me and Donny bout had a fit.

SAM

(Flat) Candy Cane.

JILL

It about killed us.

SAM

All right. How bout bringin’ me a nice, cold Colt 45 out the fridge.

JILL

Come on Sam, please?

SAM

Oh, I thought this was sposed to be like home.

JILL

It is.

SAM

Yeah, well then bring me a cold beer and turn on the stereo. I think I just listen to some relaxin’ music, or maybe we can catch somethin’ on the TV. How bout that?

JILL

Why are you doing this?

SAM

Cause this ain’t our fuckin’ home. You understand that? You standin’ there tellin’ me bout things that don’t make any sense. Porterhouse. And I sure don’t know anythin’ bout your damn fat ass neighbor. I never even lived in that house. You keep talkin’ bout things that I don’t know nothin’ about. And I ain’t gonna pretend that this shithole is our home. So don’t talk like it is.

JILL

Well, you tell me something then. I don’t care. I just want to talk to you. You never tell me anything about your life here. We gotta talk Sam. We got to. We don’t got anything else left.

SAM

My life here? You don’t even want to know. You wouldn’t believe it, cause it’s real. i feel like I was walkin’ round with my eyes closed till I got here. I thought life was somethin’ good till I got here. It ain’t. Life ain’t no pretend Candy Cane bullshit! It’s black and white and this place here, this is the black. It’s so black, you can’t remember that there is anythin’ else.

JILL

Sam…

SAM

You want to hear bout my life? I’ll tell you. How bout a couple weeks ago there was this white boy, worked in the kitchen with me. He an all right kid and he bout to parole. Anyway, there these three brothers and drinkin’ some homebrew and gettin’ fucked up. They gettin’ drunk and mean thinkin’ how they in the joint and this here white punk gettin’ out. You know, and they get pissed off, gonna give the boy somethin’ to remember, for when he get out. They come and haul his ass out of the bunk and the boy start yellin’. So they stuff his head in an old laundry bag and tie it shut, start beatin’ him. He still making noise so they drag him down to the toilets. And these are brothers I talk to everyday. I mean I know these dudes and I know this kid and I couldn’t say nothin’. I just lay there. I mean it, I just lay there and never said a damn word. They shove this guy down in one of the stalls, start rapin’ him and you could hear his head thumpin’ into the toilet bowl. They bend him over so that every time they ram it in, his head get crammed into the toilet. You could hear that thud every time they shove it in. Wham, wham, wham, and every time he struggle, they kick him down.

(Jill starts to get up and come to Sam.)

No!… just sit. After while all you heard is that head thuddin’. After they all finished with him, they come back through the room laughin’, get in bed, go to sleep. An’ I just lay there awake, searing to god I’d get those fuckin’ bastards. Do somethin’. Next mornin’ no one got outta bed, we all just lay there till the guards come in and find that boy still wrapped over that toilet bowl, red blood all soaked through that bag. And he dead. Suffocated in that bag. Then the guards start carryin’ him out and one of them guards slip on the blood that’s all over the floor and fell on his ass. I remember that place was dead silence, nothin’ moved, nothin’. And then this guard explode, ripping up beds and shit and screamin’ that we was all fuckin’ animals, over and over. Finally he run out and the other guards carry the body out and say we better have the whole fuckin’ place spotless by the time they get back. I never seen people clean like that in my whole life. I scrub that floor till my hands bleedin’ and I feel like I’m gonna cry any second. Me! And I keep tellin’ myself “you motherfucker, you fuckin’ chickenshit, coward-ass motherfucker.” I scrubbin’ up this kid’s blood cause I ain’t got the guts to help him. I ain’t man enough to help him. I ain’t human being enough to help him.

JILL

What could you do? They would’ve…

SAM

Standin’ on my head pissin’ my pants been better than what I done. I done nothin’ cause that’s what I’ve become, nothin’. Nothin’ but a fuckin’ animal.

JILL

You’re not an animal. Nobody can say that!

SAM

Society say I’m an animal! That’s why I’m locked in this fuckin’ cage! And they right!

JILL

I say you’re not!

SAM

Oh yes, they right.

JILL

Listen to me…

SAM

I can’t.

JILL

Yes, you will. Listen! You’re not some animal. You’re my husband. You’re Donny’s father. That boy!

(Points to picture.)

That boy right there! You think that’s what he wants to hear you say after all the faith he puts in you? You’re the man we love and need. We love you so much it hurts! Don’t you understand that?

SAM

That’s all I do is hurt you.

JILL

You stop it. You hear me. Stop. You listen to me. (Tries to force her way into his arms.)

SAM

I wanted to do things for you so bad, give you things.

JILL

Sam…

SAM

I wanted to give you so much and…

JILL

I need you.

SAM

Stead you got no one to take care of you.

JILL

You.

SAM

No one.

JILL

I just want you.

SAM

I wanna do things for you, but I’m stuck here. I can’t get out.

JILL

Then do something here.

SAM

I can’t.

JILL

Yes, you can! Listen to me…

SAM

What?

JILL

Hold me.

SAM

I can’t. I’m ashamed.

JILL

Just love me and hold me.

(She forces herself into his arms.)

SAM

(Pause)

I’ll hold you baby. I’ll hold you.

THE END