but not in a sexy way / not in the way we used to / by which I mean the way / we might have /
I remember us / only in the moments we touched / the concert at The Warhol / you stood close to
me / as if it were crowded / drone of each song slower than what / we knew from the radio / just
how we wanted time / to pass / your arms around my shoulders / so we danced / there &
everywhere / cue another / day / another new wave dance party / making out to synth pop / disco
lights erratic as our / hands on each other / I cannot forget your lips / to my ear / wanna get out of
here / months later I imagine you / just down the street / living in your house / doing every regular
thing / FaceTiming your brother & your niece / eating your breakfast / pile of spaghetti squash
with a fried egg / on top I wrestle / not with you / but with the idea of you / I’ve conflated the two
/ from my office desk / from the edge of my bed / I ask Twitter what’s the difference / between a
person / & your idea of them / no one can / pin this down / I pinned you down once / to your bed
/ went down on you then / you held me / told me this / is my favorite part / the holding / my desire /
to get over you / match I want / to dump water on / quick fizzle / but it burns in me hot / &
incessant pulled muscle the sorry / in your eyes / never a cheap shot / not a low blow / I am obsessed
with the idea / of giving you space / of taking this gracefully / but I’ve botched it / every
poem deadweight / I’m up all night trying / to remember a time / this wasn’t how it was / try to tell
myself / this couldn’t be / any different / your grief old / as the floor creak / your grief the brass /
bell ringside & ringing / for me to win / is to lose / to be held / down / pinned to your floor