CAST OF CHARACTERS

DECLAN 33, musician

OLIVIA, 33, designer

SETTING

Declan’s city apartment

The stage represents a

kitchen/dinning room of a city

apartment. The kitchen is upstage

left, a dining room to the right.

ii.

Scene 1

TIME: 8:00 am.

At rise: OLIVIA, in an oversize

shirt obviously DECLAN’s, is in

the kitchen unloading the

dishwasher and generally clearing

up wine glasses and dishes still

on the table from the night

before. DECLAN enters in sweats

and watches her confusedly for a

moment without her noticing him.

DECLAN

What are you doing out here?

OLIVIA

(A little surprised but

casually.)

Cleaning up. Don’t like to leave things in disarray.

DECLAN

So, you’re leaving?

OLIVIA

I have to at some point. Does this go on the high shelf? Or

under.

DECLAN

Under.

OLIVIA

Good, I’m not that tall anyway.

DECLAN

We just had sex.

OLIVIA

And this?

DECLAN

The side. Are you going to tell me what’s happening?

OLIVIA

We had sex.

DECLAN

Why?

OLIVIA

We wanted to?

DECLAN

I’ve known you for more than fifteen years, and we’ve never

had sex.

OLIVIA

Why is that, do you suppose?

DECLAN

Probably, because it leads to awkward discussions like this

one.

OLIVIA

Quite right. Let’s not have an awkward discussion. Where’s

the coffee? I have to have coffee to get started.

DECLAN points to the cupboard with

the coffee, watching her.

OLIVIA

(She takes down the coffee

and filters)

I thought it was excellent sex, by the way.

DECLAN

I live to serve.

OLIVIA

Don’t do that.

DECLAN

Do what?

OLIVIA

You know.

DECLAN

Does this make us friends with benefits now?

OLIVIA

Would that be so terrible?

NiCK

I don’t know yet. Sex changes things . . .

OLIVIA

Do we have to stick pins in it and fix it to the wall?

DECLAN

I might have to, yes. I like things clear. Written

instructions, contract law.

OLIVIA

That takes most of the fun out of it, don’t you think?

DECLAN

You’ve just been unfaithful to a man you’re planning to

marry. I think I’m entitled to an explanation.

OLIVIA

I haven’t.

DECLAN

I have it on good authority he means to ask you.

OLIVIA

I broke it off with Breme three weeks ago.

DECLAN

What? And you’re just getting around to telling me?

OLIVIA

I wasn’t aware I was expected to report the details of my

personal life to you.

DECLAN

Expected, no. But usually you share every nuance of your

life. You . . . doted on him.

OLIVIA

I didn’t. I never dote.

DECLAN

You do, you did. You were ecstatically happy.

OLIVIA

I wasn’t. He showed me the ring, by the way.

DECLAN

(Gasping)

Good god, you’ve turned him down? And now, I’m Rebound Guy.

OLIVIA

Don’t do that.

DECLAN

You keep saying “don’t do that” but I don’t know what “that”

you’re talking about.

OLIVIA

Don’t start regretting the sex. By the way, he told me you

picked the ring. What were you thinking?

DECLAN

He gave me three to choose from, and it was the least

offensive.

OLIVIA

You know I don’t like diamonds.

DECLAN

I mentioned that, but he was convinced that if he didn’t get

a diamond, you‘d think that he wasn’t serious about marrying

you. And I had to agree that might be so.

OLIVIA

Imagine his surprise when I pointed out he obviously didn’t

know me if he bought a diamond. He blamed you for picking it

out.

DECLAN

Chump. Well, it seems he’d lose either way.

OLIVIA

He’s rich, and he expects me to take what I’m given and be

quiet about it. Like a little lap dog.

DECLAN

He loves you. And until last night, I believed you loved him.

OLIVIA

He knew I wanted a sapphire.

DECLAN

So you going to punish him for picking out a mind-blowingly

expensive, albeit traditional, piece of jewelry?

OLIVIA

Well, if he can’t get that right . . . Never mind, men can’t

understand this sort of thing.

DECLAN

You have lost your mind!

OLIVIA

Actually, I’ve found it.

DECLAN

This is hysterical. You are being hyster . ..

OLIVIA

Men say women are hysterical when they find it difficult to

manage them.

DECLAN

I admit to that. I don’t know how to deal with you

sometimes. You run whenever someone gets close though.

OLIVIA

I wouldn’t talk if I were you. Just to be clear, I broke up

with him before he asked. I didn’t expect him to pick a ring

without consulting me.

DECLAN

So that’s the issue, he hadn’t consulted you? I need to sit

down.

OLIVIA

Maybe you should marry him then.

DECLAN

You are being irrational.

OLIVIA

I’m not.

DECLAN

It’s just a ring. An expensive one at that.

OLIVIA

It is never just a ring, Dec.

DECLAN

But you said you broke up with him before he showed you the

ring.

OLIVIA

I did.

DECLAN

Why?

OLIVIA

I felt inertia.

DECLAN

Inertia? What do you . . .

OLIVIA

Yes. Like everyday from there on out would be exactly the

same as every day had been for the past two years. Stable.

Steady. Uneventful.

DECLAN

You told him that?

OLIVIA

Something along those lines.

DECLAN

But you were happy. I saw you laughing and feeling great.

You went on endlessly about him like he . . . he was a super

hero. You never stopped chattering about him.

OLIVIA

Maybe, I was trying to convince myself.

DECLAN

You can’t be serious. I know you, this is just a detour . . .

OLIVIA

(Getting angry)

Look, it’s my decision. Or is it just hotter screwing an

almost-married woman than a single one?

DECLAN

Hey, I don’t deserve that.

OLIVIA

Don’t you?

DECLAN

You’ll be back together before the end of the month, and

he’ll ask me what happened. You’ll expect me not to tell him

I slept with you, and I’m a very bad liar.

OLIVIA

(Begins tossing pans,

erratically into the

cupboards.)

That might have been possible before I saw the ring, but

after it, the decision was clear.

DECLAN

(Watching her, gets up.)

Let me do this, you’ll hurt yourself. And me.

OLIVIA

I’m not helpless, you know.

DECLAN

Believe me, I am aware of that.

OLIVIA

I mean about the dishes.

DECLAN

Ha. Domestically, you leave a lot to be desired.

OLIVIA

Do you want to make a list of all my shortcomings, so I can

consult it whenever you’re not around to remind me?

DECLAN

I’m simply pointing out the limits of your domestic virtues.

OLIVIA

Oh, here it comes.

DECLAN

What comes?

OLIVIA

The lecture about how I’m always so “challenging.”

DECLAN

Well, you don’t make it easy for men to date you or care

about you. Most of them are completely baffled by your moods,

your idiosyncracies. What woman doesn’t like diamonds, for

example? It’s weird.

OLIVIA

Oh, bite me. And I’d like to point out that what you just

said–lecture!

(She slams a pan onto the

counter.)

DECLAN

Could you at least stop tossing the dishes around? I’m

entitled to one request before the firing squad, I hope.

OLIVIA

So why did you have sex with me, since I am so moody and

idiosyncratic?

DECLAN

I said you had those things, not that you were those things.

OLIVIA

I make it hard on men who date and care for me. Like you?

DECLAN

Well, no. I just always feel like I have to coach your

boyfriends into understanding you.

OLIVIA

Perhaps you should mind your own business.

DECLAN

I’ve only ever wanted to be helpful.

OLIVIA

So you could get somebody to take me off your hands.

DECLAN

What? No.

OLIVIA

You want me off your conscience, admit it.

DECLAN

Why would you say that? Have I ever treated you like a

burden or millstone?

OLIVIA

You are right now.

DECLAN

Exactly what is it you’re mad about? That I’m shocked that

you gave Breme the heave-ho or that we had sex?

OLIVIA

(Laughs.)

The heave-ho! What a funny expression!

DECLAN

You’re not answering the question.

OLIVIA

I’m just pointing out that you are more upset with my breakup

than I am.

DECLAN

Not really.

OLIVIA

Seems so.

DECLAN

I don’t care that you broke up, but you seem unnerved, coming

out here doing something you’d never normally do at this time

of day.

OLIVIA

So I’m a slacker, to boot?

DECLAN

I don’t know what’s going on with you. You usually tell me

everything. You’ve finished with a man you were crazy about

a month ago. And adding casual sex to our relationship could

change everything.

OLIVIA

Like what?

DECLAN

Well, I don’t know. That’s why I want to clarify things.

OLIVIA

It wasn’t casual, as I remember it. The sex.

DECLAN

(Pauses)

Admittedly, it wasn’t.

OLIVIA

(To the skillet)

So, it’s established it wasn’t casual.

DECLAN

I just said it wasn’t.

(Takes the skillet from her.)

OLIVIA

And? I assume you’ve had sex before.

DECLAN

Not with you I haven’t.

OLIVIA

Was it different than you expected?

DECLAN

What? I didn’t expect. I never expect . . .

OLIVIA

Well, don’t be a bastard. Am I so unattractive that in

fifteen years you’ve never imagined us in the sack?

DECLAN

Of course, you are, but . . .

OLIVIA

We’ve kissed before.

DECLAN

Yes. I remember we kissed.

OLIVIA

But you’ve never made a pass until last night.

DECLAN

You were the one that made the pass last night.

OLIVIA

Me?

DECLAN

Yes, you. You kissed me.

OLIVIA

Okay, let’s just say, for the sake of argument only, that I

kissed you. All the more curious that you never made a pass.

DECLAN

I didn’t imagine I was, you know, even in the running.

Besides, that is a loaded question.

OLIVIA

Is it? How so? Was it because of our friend, Daniel, that you

never . . . ?

DECLAN

What does Daniel have to do with this? Is that what this is

about? You want Daniel back?

(Tosses the skillet.)

OLIVIA

Oh, please, I want to know why you and I never had sex

before? Was it because once in 15 years Daniel and I dated,

and you’ve been unnecessarily loyal?

DECLAN

That’s ridiculous.

OLIVIA

We’ve known each other long enough. It wouldn’t have been

surprising if we’d had sex. People certainly expected us to.

DECLAN

Who expected us to?

OLIVIA

Daniel, for one.

DECLAN

See, we’re back to Daniel.

OLIVIA

Okay, Margaret. Margaret actually refuses to believe we

haven’t had sex.

DECLAN

My sister, Margaret?

OLIVIA

The very same.

DECLAN

Well, she’s just being nosy.

OLIVIA

Alas! The question remains.

DECLAN

Alas?

OLIVIA

Alas.

DECLAN

Have you been drinking?

OLIVIA

That’s it! In the time it took you to shower, I’ve been out

here downing Jello shots.

DECLAN

You had a considerable amount of brandy last night.

OLIVIA

Then I’d be hung over, not drunk.

DECLAN

Is that why we had sex? Because of all the brandy?

OLIVIA

I’d like to point out that we’ve had brandy before.

DECLAN

I know but we drank the whole bottle.

OLIVIA

It was only half full.

DECLAN

Three quarters.

OLIVIA

Fine. Three quarters, but the question still remains.

DECLAN

And what is your answer to that question?

OLIVIA

Chicken shit.

DECLAN

Who?

OLIVIA

Both of us.

DECLAN

Well . . . Well, what do you mean by chicken shit?

OLIVIA

You and me have been too afraid of what might happen if we

had sex.

DECLAN

Why should we be frightened by that?

OLIVIA

You spent the last ten minutes trying to clarify. For the

sake of world peace, was it?

DECLAN

I assure you, I . . . am . . . I’m not afraid of having sex

with you. I just did, didn’t I?

OLIVIA

(Laughing)

Oh, my god, you so are.

DECLAN

I just treat friends differently than lovers.

OLIVIA

Of course, you do. That’s why you’re still with the married

cellist.

DECLAN

Alright. I’m a little nervous, but only because it’s a

slippery slope to have sex with friends.

OLIVIA

Whereas sex with strangers is a cake-walk.

DECLAN

Why are you out here clanging pots and pans?

OLIVIA

I admit, it scares me shitless.

DECLAN

What am I, an ogre?

OLIVIA

Oh, for heaven sake.

DECLAN

Just asking.

OLIVIA

For clarity?

DECLAN

Yes, yes, for clarity.

OLIVIA

Yes, you are an ogre.

DECLAN

What? . . .

OLIVIA

You had to ask!

DECLAN

What exactly are we talking about here?

OLIVIA

Sex. We wanted to, we had the opportunity, and now we have

to pick it apart bit by little bit before it causes

complications.

DECLAN

What sort of complications?

OLIVIA

You tell me Mr. Needs-clarity.

DECLAN

I need to know whether we are opening up eh . . . eh

OLIVIA

Can of worms?

DECLAN

Pandora’s box.

OLIVIA

At least, that’s a better metaphor. Not by much though.

DECLAN

You said you wanted to.

OLIVIA

I did. Did you?

DECLAN

Yes, we wanted to and we did.

OLIVIA

Right.

DECLAN

So from time to time, we might have sex with one another. Is

that it? Since you and Breme are no longer an item.

OLIVIA

How often is time to time?

DECLAN

I don’t know, it could be once . . . a . . . a, once a month

perhaps?

OLIVIA

Or more? Maybe even regularly.

DECLAN

(Hesitantly.)

That could be a possibility.

OLIVIA

Or, now, just think about this.

DECLAN

Yes?

OLIVIA

We might have sex after going to a movie or dinner or a night

out.

DECLAN

Might we?

OLIVIA

Yes.

DECLAN

You don’t think that’s a gray area?

OLIVIA

It could be, but we often do all of those things a few times

a month anyway.

DECLAN

That’s true, we do, but would we be required to?

OLIVIA

After just one night, you’re worried the sex will be

obligatory?

DECLAN

We’re clarifying things. Hypothetically.

OLIVIA

No. Never required. Hypothetically.

DECLAN

But what? Expected?

OLIVIA

No, not expected? Maybe . . .

DECLAN

Anticipated?

OLIVIA

Hoped for?

DECLAN

Well, is that even possible? I mean when I go out with

someone, unless it’s you, that is, I anticipate a favorable

ending.

OLIVIA

And I provide an unfavorable ending?

DECLAN

No, of course not.

OLIVIA

But you’ve found anticipation works out for you?

DECLAN

More often than not.

OLIVIA

I’m sticking with hoped for.

DECLAN

Okay, I can live with that.

OLIVIA

The other area of concern is the personal.

DECLAN

What do you mean area of concern?

OLIVIA

Well, like you said before, I tend to tell you every nuance

of my life.

DECLAN

You do.

OLIVIA

And I think you’d agree, you share much of your life as well

with me.

DECLAN

Not everything though.

OLIVIA

I’ll chalk that up to you’re being a man. May we still share

our . . . What shall I call it? Dating details.

DECLAN

Ah.

OLIVIA

Will that be a problem?

DECLAN

Why should it be?

OLIVIA

So if I told you I’m going out with someone tonight, do I

still get to call you tomorrow and give details?

DECLAN

I see what you mean. Well, I don’t know.

OLIVIA

Would you feel jealous?

DECLAN

Jealous? No!

OLIVIA

Okay.

DECLAN

Not jealous but perhaps a little, just a tad, guarded.

OLIVIA

In other words, no, we should not share those things anymore.

DECLAN

Probably not.

OLIVIA

Okay.

DECLAN

Wouldn’t you feel a little jealous if I shared. . .?

OLIVIA

Depends on who it is.

DECLAN

What do you mean?

OLIVIA

Well, if you talking about the cellist, it’s actually pretty

entertaining.

DECLAN

And if you get back with Breme? Should I be entertained?

OLIVIA

What a ridiculous name. Why didn’t I see that before? Why

didn’t you see it?

DECLAN

I thought you were happy.

OLIVIA

It sounds like a household product, for goodness sake.

DECLAN

Back to the question at hand.

OLIVIA

Which is?

DECLAN

Sharing dating details.

OLIVIA

I thought we agreed not to.

DECLAN

I think we could still share, but we should have a code word

if one of us feels . . .

OLIVIA

Guarded?

DECLAN

Yes.

OLIVIA

Like what?

DECLAN

Like . . . featherbed.

OLIVIA

What?

DECLAN

Or something else.

OLIVIA

(Laughing)

Featherbed? Is there some reason that word springs to mind?

DECLAN

Maybe.

OLIVIA

Is it from the cellist?

DECLAN

No, it’s from a John Denver song.

OLIVIA

John Denver? Who is John Denver?

DECLAN

He’s a singer from the seventies. My dad listens to him.

Grandma’s Featherbed is the song. It just came to mind.

Really, it doesn’t matter, we can use anything.

OLIVIA

Grandma? Sex with me brings Grandma to mind?

DECLAN

A code word to derail the discussion about our exes.

18.

OLIVIA

(Pauses to look him over)

Featherbed is okay. It’s just weird enough to serve.

DECLAN

Good.

OLIVIA

So. Anything else?

DECLAN

What if we, or one of us, starts to feel, I don’t know, a

greater degree of affection, shall we say, than the other,

what then?

OLIVIA

Ah, well, then we have to renegotiate.

DECLAN

Renegotiate? Are we negotiating?

OLIVIA

If one of us wants to see the other more frequently than two

or three times a month, say.

DECLAN

That’s another awkward conversation.

OLIVIA

What do you suggest?

DECLAN

I think we have to agree to stop if one of us wants more than

benefits.

OLIVIA

Ah, so, no conversation, just becoming unavailable.

DECLAN

Not necessarily. We should have the right to call the end of

the game though.

OLIVIA

So it’s a game?

DECLAN

I’m better with sports metaphors.

OLIVIA

But what if one of us thinks the other is getting more

“affectionate,” and it’s not that at all?

DECLAN

What do you mean?

OLIVIA

It’s not the end of the game, just the end of an inning, say.

DECLAN

Ah, an inning.

OLIVIA

It might be just another turn at bat that’s mutually

beneficial.

DECLAN

I see.

OLIVIA

One of us could be thinking the game is over, and it’s really

a . . . a . . . change of innings.

DECLAN

It’s the seventh inning stretch!

OLIVIA

Exactly. There’s still 2 innings left to play.

DECLAN

Yes. Maybe there’s a change of pitchers. Or, the bases are

loaded, and a full count, two outs, but the guy on third is

poised to steal home.

OLIVIA

Yeah, I have no idea what you are talking about now.

DECLAN

You know baseball.

OLIVIA

Yes, but I have never applied it to my love life.

DECLAN

Well, I mean, it could also be a pop fly that could go fair

or foul.

OLIVIA

I got nothing.

DECLAN

Never mind. Still, it’s one thing to lose benefits but

another to loose a fifteen year friendship.

OLIVIA

True. That wouldn’t be good.

DECLAN

No. Definitely not.

OLIVIA

Maybe we should just forget benefits altogether.

DECLAN

Meaning, no sex again. Go back to being friends only.

OLIVIA

Yes.

DECLAN

Yes. (Pause) That would keep the boundaries clear. We

wouldn’t need a code word.

OLIVIA

Or the awkward conversations.

DECLAN

Right. Or . . .

OLIVIA

Or?

DECLAN

We set one day aside every few months to reevaluate. No

pressure, just give a scouting report on how we see the . . .

game progressing.

OLIVIA

Once a month.

DECLAN

That often?

OLIVIA

Yep.

DECLAN

Once a month?

OLIVIA

Today’s the 12th, so we reassess next month on the twelfth.

DECLAN

Sure, but February only has 28 days, so it wouldn’t

technically be a month.

OLIVIA

Actually, technically, it would be the month of February.

DECLAN

Yes, but it’s four weeks and . . . well . . .

OLIVIA

We can skip February altogether. It’s a risky month with

Valentine’s day, and a couple is lucky to make it through

that month at all.

DECLAN

Deal.

OLIVIA

Deal.

They shake hands.

DECLAN

(awkwardly)

Alright. Yes.

OLIVIA

Great.

DECLAN

Seems we ought to have something more than a handshake.

OLIVIA

Well, we could, shall we say, return to the field.

DECLAN

That would definitely be in order.

(He moves in closer to her.)

They kiss.

OLIVIA

(Drawing back.)

You said, I run away whenever someone gets close.

DECLAN

That was probably a little harsh. I didn’t mean . . .

OLIVIA

I’m not saying you’re wrong, mind you. Heaven knows, I’ve had

a slew of love affairs. Before Breme, there was Allen and

before that Jeffery, and Michael . . .

DECLAN

Featherbed, featherbed.

OLIVIA

Sorry. But it’s just as possible that I’m . . .

DECLAN

(Wanting to kiss her again)

Let’s just forget . . .

OLIVIA

(Ignoring him.)

Not running away from anyone. I might be simply coming back

to same person again and again.

DECLAN

The same person? Like Daniel?

OLIVIA

(Laughs.)

The person who picks me up when I’ve broken down, who feeds

me dinner.

(Gestures to the table.)

Buys me brandy. Explains me to my boyfriends . . .

DECLAN

That’s . . . even a possibility?

OLIVIA

(She kisses him.)

Hypothetically speaking.

DECLAN

I admit . . . I . . . much prefer that explanation.

OLIVIA

Do you?

DECLAN

Yes.

OLIVIA

Well, then . . .

(She moves in closer to him)

They kiss and exit toward the

bedroom, tossing clothes as they

go.

End of play.

SYNOPSIS

When Jane goes to visit her elderly parents, she discovers that her father has acquired a

dog. An invisible dog. Her concern for his mental stability soon gives way to anger at

her mother for allowing him this delusion. But the root of her father’s need for canine

companionship is more complicated than simple dementia, and Jane comes to realize the

sad but necessary truth about coping with loss.

ESTIMATED RUNNING TIME

20 minutes

CAST REQUIREMENTS

2 female actors, 1 male actor

SET

The suggestion of a living room – the only essential piece of furniture is a sofa, but this

could be suggested by a line of chairs, cubes, etc.

MAN’S BEST FRIEND

Characters

JANE about 45 years old

CELIA about 70 years old

HAL about 70 years old

Afternoon, the living room of an elderly married couple.

Lights up on CELIA, who is knitting.

A knock on the door, and JANE opens it,

poking her head in.

JANE

Anybody home?

JANE enters carrying a brown bag full of

books, and an overnight case. CELIA starts

to get up.

JANE (continued)

No, no. Don’t get up.

CELIA

Don’t be silly. I’m not a cripple.

JANE

Sit down. I haven’t forgotten my way around.

CELIA

It’s been so long since you last visited, I thought maybe

you might have.

JANE

And I’m sure you’d be happy to have me still living here?

CELIA

I only meant that I wish we could see you a bit more often.

JANE sets down the bag and case, and gives

CELIA a hug.

JANE

I do, too. You know I do. It’s just hard for me to come

up here that often.

CELIA

It’s only two hours.

JANE

It’s not just the drive, Mom.

CELIA

Sometimes, I think that you don’t like coming to visit.

JANE

Mom, you know it’s not like that. Anyway, I’m here now,

and you and Dad have me until Sunday.

(beat)

Where is Dad? I bought him this bag of books at the

library sale. They let you fill up a whole bag for three

dollars. And there was one table that looked like they

sorted it just for him. All his favorites. I snagged him

five or six Zane Grays. He’s probably read most of them

before, but I figured he wouldn’t remember.

CELIA

(abruptly)

Your father’s mind is fine. You have no right to—

JANE

I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that—

Mom, Dad never remembers anything he reads. Or movies, or

TV. It all just goes in and right back out again. He’s

always been like that. Why would you think—?

CELIA

I’m sorry. You’re right.

(beat)

He hasn’t been reading much lately.

JANE

Dad not reading?

(a moment)

He’s not going blind, is he?

CELIA

No, no. He can still see a bug on the fencepost. He just

doesn’t have so much time for reading now.

JANE

What do you mean? Why?

CELIA

It’s since… since he got…

JANE

What? Come on.

CELIA

Since he got the… dog.

JANE

You guys got a dog?

CELIA

Yes. Well, your father did.

JANE

Mom, that’s great! You know they say having a pet helps

you live longer. It keeps you happier and healthier.

CELIA

Well, it keeps your father from reading. And from doing a

lot of his chores and other things around here. He’s

out… walking it now.

JANE

See, exercise. Healthy. You should be out walking, too.

CELIA

It’s really his dog. He spends a lot of time, um… taking

care of it.

JANE

Mom, are you jealous? You’ve become a dog-widow. What

kind is it?

CELIA

Well… you’ll see when he gets back.

JANE

I love those funny little pug dogs. But they’re a bit too

precious for Dad. And you’re not supposed to get purebred

dogs anymore. So many perfectly good mutts in shelters

need homes. Where’d he get it?

CELIA

I really don’t know. He just… had it when I came home.

JANE

He didn’t even ask you?

CELIA

I didn’t think it would be a problem. Look, it seems to

help him, so…

JANE

You don’t like the dog, do you? Mom, I can tell. It’s

not fair to you if you don’t like it. You need to tell

him. But do it before he gets too attached, or the dog

starts to feel at home. How long has he had it?

HAL’s voice is heard calling from offstage.

HAL

Is that Janie’s car in the driveway? Janie?

HAL enters.

JANE

Hi Dad.

JANE and HAL hug. He looks her over.

HAL

You get prettier every time I see you.

JANE

Yeah, right, Dad. You look good, though. And you’re

moving great compared to last time I saw you.

HAL

I feel great.

HAL does a quick little jig.

CELIA

Hal, stop acting like a child. You’ll hurt yourself.

HAL

Your mother envies my perennial youth.

JANE

It must be the dog walking. Where is this new family

member?

CELIA

Yes. I told her about your new dog.

JANE

Where is he? Or she?

HAL

She. She’s playing out in the front yard.

JANE goes quickly to the door.

JANE

Dad, there’s no fence. You can’t leave her there. What if

she runs into the street? She could get hit—

HAL

She’s not gonna run into the street, honey.

JANE has swung open the door, looking out.

JANE

There’s no dog out here. She’s gone. Dad!

She crosses back to HAL.

JANE (continued)

What were you thinking, letting her run loose?

HAL steps out the door, and whistles.

HAL

(offstage)

Daisy! Here, girl. C’mere, girl.

(brief pause)

Atta girl. Good dog.

(calling in to JANE)

She’s right here, Jane. Good God, you’re as bad as your

mother, thinking I can’t even take care of a dog.

HAL enters, and stands inside the door. A

few moments pass, as he looks at the two

women, and JANE looks at him.

HAL (continued)

Well? I think you owe me a small apology. Don’t you?

JANE looks to CELIA for some guidance, but

CELIA just continues knitting.

JANE

Dad, I don’t understand. Where’s—

HAL

She doesn’t understand.

HAL kneels down and hugs the imaginary dog.

HAL (continued)

(to his imaginary dog)

You understand me, eh, girl? No generation gap between us.

JANE

Mom, what’s going on?

CELIA

What do you mean?

JANE

I mean this “dog” thing.

HAL

Janie, she is not a “thing”.

(to the dog)

She didn’t mean it. You’re the best dog in the world,

aren’t you girl.

JANE

Dad, stop this. It’s ridiculous.

CELIA

It’s okay, Jane.

HAL

Just because a dog isn’t purebred, that doesn’t make it any

less loving, or loyal.

(to the dog)

Does it, Daisy. You’re such a good doggie.

JANE takes CELIA aside.

JANE

What is going on?

CELIA

He… has a dog. I told you that.

HAL sits on the sofa.

JANE

How long has he been like this?

HAL reacts as the dog jumps onto the sofa.

HAL

Daisy. No, Daisy. Get down.

CELIA

(to HAL)

Maybe you should take the dog out back, Hal. Here. Take

her ball and throw it for her.

CELIA picks up the imaginary dog’s imaginary

ball, and hands it to HAL.

HAL

We just got back from our walk. Let me talk with Janie,

for god’s sake. Come sit down and talk, Janie.

CELIA

Hal, take Daisy outside.

(brief pause)

Jane’s allergic to dogs.

HAL

You always loved dogs.

JANE

It… sorta just developed in me. A few years ago.

CELIA

That’s why she won’t go near the dog, dear. Now take it

outside, before your daughter…breaks out in a rash, or

something.

HAL gets up, bounces the imaginary ball, and

leads the dog out.

HAL

Come on, girl. Ball? Ball? That’s a good girl. Let’s

play ball.

JANE looks to make sure HAL is gone, then

goes to CELIA.

CELIA

Now don’t you start with me.

JANE

Start what? Mom, he’s sick. He needs help.

CELIA

Your father is not sick. He’s…

JANE

He’s what? What do you call a man with an imaginary dog?

Eccentric? Interesting?

CELIA

You don’t understand. Daisy… comforts him.

JANE

“Daisy” is not there. There is no Daisy. Does he see

other things that aren’t there?

CELIA

Of course not. Except for the dog toys, and leash, and dog

food. Just those “dog” things, you know.

(beat)

He needed a dog. That’s all.

JANE

That’s not all. He’s delusional. You need to have him

looked at. For Christ’s sake, Mom, it might be

something…physical. A tumor or something. Even if it’s

not, if it’s some mental problem, either way, he’s sick,

Mom. He needs to see a doctor.

CELIA

Your father is not sick. You said it yourself, he looks

great. And his dog is why. What’s the harm, if it makes

him feel better.

JANE

I’m not going to argue with you, Mom. He’s sick and I’m

taking him to the doctor.

CELIA

He’s not sick.

JANE

He is.

CELIA

He isn’t sick!

(very long beat)

I am.

JANE

(a silence)

Mom?

CELIA

It’s why I asked you to come down. I couldn’t tell you

over the phone.

JANE steps away, and she looks out a window.

JANE

What is going on here? Dad’s in the yard with an invisible

dog, and you’re… What?

CELIA

It’s come back. The cancer. In my pancreas this time.

It’s—

JANE

Mom, did you…? I mean, what are they doing about it?

CELIA

There’s nothing they can do. Oh, I’m getting some

treatments to slow the growth, but it’s really just a

matter of time.

JANE

Are you just going to County? There’s other places.

Better places.

CELIA

Jane, I’m dying. I’m passed denying that. I’m beyond

fighting it.

JANE steps away, and again looks outside.

JANE

Does he know?

CELIA

Yes, honey. Of course he knows.

JANE

Well, Jesus, mom. What the hell is he doing?

CELIA

Jane, there’s no call for that kind of language.

HAL enters, behind his imaginary dog.

HAL

(to the dog)

Hey! Hey! Settle down, now. You’re inside, Daisy. Go

easy. That’s a good girl.

JANE approaches HAL.

JANE

How could you?

HAL

Could I what?

JANE

How dare you treat her like this?

HAL looks to the dog.

HAL

Janie, she has to behave in the house.

JANE slaps HAL.

CELIA

Jane!

JANE

She needs you.

HAL grabs hold of JANE’s wrist.

HAL

Just what has gotten into you, young lady?

JANE

Let go of me.

HAL

Not before I know why my own child has hit me.

CELIA

Both of you. Please, stop!

JANE

I know what’s going on. Mom told me.

CELIA

Hal, let go of her. Jane, stop struggling. There’s no

reason—

JANE

How can you act like this when Mom’s dying?

CELIA

Just drop it! Please!

HAL releases JANE in response to her

question. The room is uncomfortably quiet

and still. Then HAL goes to CELIA.

HAL

I’m gonna take Daisy down to the park. Let her chase the

pigeons. She likes to chase the pigeons.

CELIA

I know she does. You go ahead, dear.

HAL

(to the dog)

Come on, Daisy. Let’s get your leash on.

HAL starts to exit, passing JANE without a

look or word. He stops at the door and

turns back to CELIA.

HAL (continued)

Maybe while I’m gone, you can remind our daughter about

respect for her parents in their own house.

(to the dog)

Come on, girl.

HAL exits.

JANE

You can’t encourage him like that, Mom. He needs to be

helping you. You need him… helping you.

CELIA

I need him to be happy.

JANE

I know how hard it must be for you, but you can’t just let

Dad…fall apart, too. How long’s he been acting like this?

CELIA

I’ve told you already. You’re father is not crazy. He’s

completely aware of what’s going on, in this house, in the

world. It’s not like you think it is. He isn’t “acting”

like anything.

JANE

Mom!

CELIA

He just has a dog. He’s got Daisy a few days after we

learned about my…

(beat)

Oh, Jane. Was I worried? Of course I was, at first. But

when I stopped worrying about it, I began to see that your

father was happier with the dog.

(beat)

When the doctor told us… well, your father…started

crying. I think he was more upset than I was. Your father

hadn’t been like that since your grandmother died. For two

or three days, he was… He just sat around the house. He

didn’t seem to know what to do.

(CELIA continues)

It got to the point where I was angry at him, for shutting

down on me. That he should feel sorrier for himself than

for me. After all, I’m the one who’s dying.

JANE

Oh, Mom, don’t…

CELIA

So I made him go out. I made him leave the house and take

a walk. I had to scream at him, but he finally left.

(pause)

And when he came home, he had Daisy.

(beat)

I thought why is this happening now? Why, when I’m so

sick? And I told the doctor.

JANE

So you did ask him about Dad? What did he say?

CELIA

He told me not to worry about it. He told me if it helped

Hal, that I should let him have his dog. Let him rely on

her. Especially when we have to deal with my situation.

JANE

I bet it’s not that uncommon. Right? I mean…

CELIA

That dog helped your father come back to life. And that’s

all I need from him right now. That he not die with me.

JANE

(long pause)

Did the doctor say…? How long do they think?

CELIA

It’s different for everyone. Three months, or if I’m

lucky…

(sad laugh)

Lucky. Well, then maybe even a year.

JANE hugs CELIA.

JANE

Oh, Mom. I don’t want you to die.

CELIA

Neither does your father. And certainly I don’t want it

either. But it’s going to happen. And it doesn’t make it

any better to let it get the best of you.

JANE

(pause)

Do you think the dog will still… I mean, do you think

Dad will still have the dog… you know, after you’re gone.

CELIA

I doubt it. But if he does, I think that’s just fine. And

he’ll still have you, and you’ll have him.

CELIA goes to a shelf and gets a photo

album. She sits on the sofa.

CELIA (continued)

Come sit down. I want to look at some of our pictures.

JANE

Yeah. That would be nice.

JANE sits next to CELIA.

CELIA

Look at you, with your bicycle. That was when your father

took off the training wheels.

JANE

That was such a cool bike. I hated when I got too big for

it. There’s you and Dad in Hawaii. You look so young.

CELIA

We were young.

HAL enters with the dog.

CELIA (continued)

Back already?

HAL

There wasn’t a single pigeon at the park today. Old Daise

must’ve scared ‘em all off last week.

(to the dog)

Is that what you did, you silly dog?

CELIA

Jane and I are looking at the family album. Come sit down.

HAL looks at JANE. JANE goes to him.

JANE

I’m sorry, Dad. I was… I’m tired, and it was a long

drive. I’m really sorry.

HAL

(making it a joke)

Sorry? For what?

(beat)

Ah, Janie, you don’t ever have to be sorry for anything to

me.

HAL hugs her.

CELIA

Come sit down, you two. Look at these ones. When we took

that camping trip to Yosemite.

They sit on the sofa, flanking CELIA.

HAL

I miss a good camping trip. Dark starry skies, roaring

campfire.

JANE

Toasted marshmallows.

CELIA

I don’t miss the mosquitos.

The dog apparently jumps onto the sofa.

HAL

(to the dog)

Daisy, no! Down! You know you’re not allowed on the sofa.

JANE looks at her father, and then at the

invisible dog. She gestures to the dog, and

pats the sofa next to herself.

JANE

(to the dog)

Here, girl. Come on. Up!

HAL

Janie…

JANE strokes the dog, next to her on the

sofa.

JANE

Dad, she’s one of the family. She can sit with us, can’t

she?

CELIA smiles at JANE.

HAL

I suppose it couldn’t hurt anything. She’s a good dog,

isn’t she?

JANE

She really is.

Lights down.

END PLAY

CAST

Sam: Male, 25-30 years old, African-American. Jill’s husband. He’s in the third year of a four year prison sentence.

Jill: Female, 25-30 year old, white, Sam’s wife. They have a seven year old son that she’s supported while waiting for Sam’s release. She’s a strong person, not a whiner or whimperer.

SETTING

All the set really needs is a bed. Takes place in a small mobile home or trailer inside the prison yard. This trailer is used exclusively for conjugal visits. In the trailer are minimal, spartan furnishings, basically a bed and maybe the counter of a very minimal kitchen.

There is an exit to a bathroom.

TIME

Present

Note

Jill has visited Sam many times in prison, however, this is the first conjugal visit. A conjugal visit is an overnight visit by a prisoner’s husband or wife. These generally take place close to the end of prisoner’s sentence with the goal of providing a controlled/safe environment for the couples to get to know each other again. Also used to reward good behavior in prisoners. The play opens with two monologues, one by Sam, one by Jill. I see these pieces as being spoken in a sort of limbo. They are not audience address pieces but rather letters that might have been written and never sent. I picture Sam and Jill on opposite sides of the stage. Jill speaks first in a spotlight, then Sam. Whether the person who is not speaking should be doing something is left to the director. Sam might be smoking, Jill might be packing. The idea of these monologues is to reinforce the idea of their separation/isolation.

(Spotlight up on Jill)

JILL

I never take a book or magazine on the bus with me. I do it on purpose so that I spend that time thinking of you. It’s a good time to do it, think about you, gone. First thing in the morning on the way to work and then afterwards, going home. So I spend time each day with you, so you’re part of everyday. It’s a good place too, there on the bus, cause I won’t cry in front of all those people. And the week of our visit, I plan what I’m going to tell you. What Donny said, and how your Mom came over, and about painting the backporch. I make a list in my mind of all the outward things that make up our lives. That pass the days and nights, and weeks, and years.

I almost never cry anymore. I’ve gotten way better, but sometimes something will set me off. Like last last night I was laying in bed and it was real hot. I had the sheets off and was just laying there in the dark, listening to some talk show. They’re the best for putting you asleep. Anyway, they said something and it made me remember the first night we met and you came home with me. I was never like that, you know, and I thought, “Jesus, he’s gonna think I’m like that.” But we sat up in bed and it was hot, just like this, but I had all the covers pulled up cause I was nervous. And you talked, god you talked. You told stories all night. Just held my hand and told stories. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. it was like you’d saved up everything you’d ever done just to tell me that night. And it wasn’t till the next morning that we did it. And I was glad, you know? That we waited till it was light cause I could see the way your skin looked against mine, black on white. Then I went into the bathroom and I remember my knees were shaking. I thought to myself, “I better sit down before I fall down.” And I cried just a little there on the toilet, just a little. Just like I did last night and like I’m doing now.

Anyway Donny came into my room, he must’ve heard me and you know, he’s real good about it. I mean he’s getting old enough to understand. It still scares him though, I mean to see his Mom crying like that. So I stop myself. I think of words that don’t mean anything. Unimportant words… like aluminum… or powdered sugar. Wool. It almost always works. Pepper. Lemon Pledge. And I picture each thing in my mind, I mean really concentrate on each thing for like five seconds. Sometimes it even makes me laugh, the different things look so damn ridiculous just sitting there in my mind. Casserole. Corned beef. And I think to myself…” I’m going down to the store for a squash… or a gourd. The only time it doesn’t work is when I think of how many unimportant… how goddamn many unimportant words have somehow got into my life since you’ve been away.

(Spotlight dims on Jill, then comes up on Sam)

SAM

Thing was big, man. I mean it was a big damn ship and I was all the way at the top. I remember’d coming up through the decks, all these stairs up. They was after me and I was runnin’ and now there was nowhere else to run to. I looked out the window and it was white everywhere, snow and ice. Flashin’ in the sun like off glass. Glitterin’ like some giant parkin’ lot covered busted glass. I haul ass out on to this balcony. And way down there, solid fuckin’ ice. Sheer white. I start panickin’ man, cause now I know what’s that’s comin’ after me. The ice-monster. He’s down there coming for me. I gotta get outta here. Someone comin’ up the metal stairs. Tryin’ to close it, somethin’ to block it up with. Then I see it’s you comin’ round the corner, up the stairs. “Honey, you’re here, we gonna make it out ok,” But you pointin’ back sayin’ there’s two men comin’, “gonna help us, gonna save us.” They two guards from the prison. I know they helpin’ the iceman. They got you fooled. I slam the door fore you get in. I slam it, tears streamin’ down my face. I lock you out Jill honey, cause they tricked you. You screamin’ at me. I run across to the other door. Wood splinterin’ behind me. He’s comin’. I can’t let him get me. I’m through the other door and slam it, smashin’ his ice hands and ice fingers, but it won’t close. I run to the rail of the balcony and he right behind me. I dive off and try to fly. I flap my arms but I’m fallin’. The solid ice comin’ up fast and it’s all on fire, white flames lickin’ across it. I’m gonna die. I know I’m gonna die, but then I realize, just before I hit, that it’s better. It’s better to die than let the ice monster get me. Way better. I think to myself, “I choose to die. I want to die than let the ice man get me.” Then I hit. I wake up and look at the springs, the stained mattress above me, dirty white sheets caught in the steel mesh, ripped. it’s still kind of dark and I lay there. I think bout that dream and look at the top bunk. Outline of the guy’s body pressin’ down through the foam and I remember last night a couple hard-timers slappin’ this new guy around. Hasslin’ him for some smokes. They don’t even want the cigarettes. Just want to break in the new punk, cause he been outside free while they been in here. They leave and I hear him cryin’ in the dark…and I was happy. Happy it ain’t me. Happy they just leave me alone.

I wake up from the dream and I know right away where I am. Used to be that I think I was still dreamin’ when I see that damn bunk over me and look over at a window got bars on it. I lay there thinkin’ if maybe that dream come part out of a book I read. Tryin’ to remember the last time I read a book. I’m layin’ there and I suddenly think about you and I remember what day it is. You comin’ here to the prison, to stay overnight. I close my eyes. It’s been so long. I been through so many changes now. It all seem like another dream.

(Spotlight dims on Sam. Sam, then Jill enters the trailer space as the lights come up. She is carrying her overnight bag and a bag containing food, gifts, etc.)

JILL

Sam?

SAM

Hello mama.

JILL

God Sam, is that really you?

(They move into each other’s arms and kiss.)

SAM

Yeah.

JILL

I mean is this real? We’re really here.

SAM

I’ll show you somethin’ real, you put this stuff down, sweetheart.

(Kiss)

Jesus, I’ve missed you.

JILL

Ok, ok. Just hold on.

(She pushes him away and puts the bags on the counter. She surveys the room.)

So this is it? I mean the place we’re staying?

SAM

Yeah, not too damn bad, hunh? Lemme give you the grand tour.

(Sits on bed and pats it invitingly.) This is the bed.

(She walks around the bed, hesitant.)

JILL

I mean is there even a bathroom?

SAM

Damn girl, I give you the rest of the tour later. Come on over and at least say hello.

JILL

(Jill approaches bed and smiles.) Hello.

SAM

Come over here, lover.

(Sam pulls her into an embrace which quickly escalates to more than just a kiss and a hug.)

JILL

Sam…

(Pushes him back a bit.) hold on a minute… wait.

SAM

Wait for what?

JILL

Just give me a minute. Least tell me how you are.

SAM

How am I?

JILL

Yeah.

SAM

I’m three years worth of horny for you girl. (He tries to pull her in again.)

JILL

No, come on… honey… Sam. Stop… come on…

SAM

You come on.

JILL

No, I mean, wait a minute. Ok?

SAM

Wait a minute.

JILL

Yeah.

SAM

What’s the matter with you? First time we been alone in a room for three years and you tellin’ me wait a damn minute.

JILL

I don’t know. It’s just that…

SAM

What? Just what?

JILL

I just want to… just give me a minute. Talk to me first.

I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Just hold me and talk for a minute. Ok?

(Pause)

SAM

(He holds her.)

I love you baby. I just missed you’s all.

JILL

I know. I love you too. I miss you so much.

SAM

Damn, I’ve missed you woman.

JILL

(She pulls away.)

I know, I know. I’m just nervous or something. I don’t know. It’s just not… I mean this isn’t how I pictured things. You know?

SAM

Ah, Jill honey.

(Reaches for her hand.)

JILL

I think that search just upset me.

SAM

What d’you mean? They do somethin’ to you?

JILL

No, no. I mean I knew I they was gonna search me and all but it was just so… dirty. The room was dirty and this woman smelled like… I don’t know… sour. And I thought, “Oh god.” And she pulled all my stuff out and held up the new nightie I got, like maybe she was thinking of buying it or something. Like it was merchandise, like I was merchandise at some cheap sale. Hold my arms out.

Spread my legs. Her fingers on me. Touching me. And then she said to get dressed and go into this little trailer out in the yard, all surrounded with barbwire. I thought it was just another waiting room and I came in and saw you but I wasn’t expecting you… and I… I… I don’t know. It was just so dirty.

SAM

Hey, it’s all right, honey. It’s ok. hey, I get searched everyday. It don’t mean nothin’.

JILL

I know, I know…

SAM

What’d you ‘spect? They gonna search you in a doctor’s office or somethin’?

JILL

No… I didn’t know.

SAM

Hey, come on now. It’s just us here now. Come on…come on over here. It’s my turn to search you.

JILL

Can I take a shower first?

SAM

A shower?

JILL

Yes, please?

SAM

You just got here.

JILL

I know. I just feel dirty, that’s all. And I want to take a quick shower. It’ll calm me down.

SAM

I don’t want you calmed down.

JILL

You know what I mean. Just get freshened up.

SAM

So I guess I make you feel dirty.

JILL

No! Come on Sam, please. It was just that woman and…

this place and I feel like… I just want to get clean, change my clothes. Start fresh. I know I’m being silly.

SAM

What’d you expect here? This is all we got babe.

JILL

I know, I know.

SAM

You know what they call this place, you wanna feel dirty? They call it Motel 69. Yeah. Motel 69.

(Not shouting, sad and bitter.)

They be after me all week, “Hey Sambo, you gonna get a little off your wife? Hunh? She able to swallow the whole thing?” Yeah, and I got to just take it cause I say one word and I’m down in the hole and you ain’t comin’. I got to lick ass for months to get here and now it makes you feel dirty.

JILL

Sam…

SAM

“Hey Sambo, how come you got a white woman? You don’t like dark meat? She as good as everyone say she is Sambo?”

JILL

Please…

SAM

“Think she forgot how to do it or maybe she been practicin’ while you been inside. Maybe she got some new tricks she…”

JILL

Sam!

SAM

I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

JILL

Stop it.

SAM

Go on. Take your damn shower.

JILL

SAM… please! Stop it.

SAM

Not for another year I ain’t going nowhere. Go ahead on, wash it all away.

JILL

Stop it!!! (Pause)

I’m sorry! I wanted everything to be perfect. I just want to be clean and put on my new things. Let’s just start over. Calm down. I’ll wash my face and it’ll be all right. Ok? Please?

SAM

Sure… like I say… I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

(She’s hurt, starts to say something but then just grabs her bag and goes toward the bathroom. He stops her.)

Just don’t be gone too long or I’ll come in to get you!

JILL

Promise?

(He jumps at her and she slams the door. He lays down whistling. Then he gets up and listens at the bathroom door. He undoes his pants, opens the door and flashes her.)

SAM

Whoooeeee!

JILL

Hey! Out!

(He laughs and backs out. Sam goes over to the bag of food and starts rummaging through. As he does he sings a little song to himself that he makes up as he goes along. The bluesy/ jazzy lyrics may go something like this “My baby does it in the morning, my baby does it at night, etc.” He dances and sings and sorts through the things in the bag, unwrapping things, tasting and smelling. Generally making a happy mess. He finds the dessert and takes a bite or two. Jill comes out dressed in robe and negligee. She is clean, calm, sexy… strikes a seductive pose…)

Well, what do you think?

(Sees Sam with mouthful of dessert and the general mess.)

Oh no, Sam!

SAM

Hey, this pretty good Mama. Almost tastes as good as you!

JILL

That’s supposed to be for dessert.

SAM

Darlin’ you my dessert and I’m gonna eat you all up.

JILL

Sam, come on, stop eating that.

SAM

I’m hungry.

JILL

So you’re hungry, you eat? You can’t wait for me? You can’t see I’ve got something special planned.

SAM

Hey come on now, a man’s hungry he got to eat.

JILL

I was gonna make you dinner. A nice dinner.

SAM

Shit, the way you actin’ I thought you just come to take a damn shower. I thought maybe the shower facilities at home busted or somethin’, so you thought you’d…

JILL

Stop it and stop eating that.

SAM

I’m not sposed to eat this?

JILL

No.

SAM

(Quietly)

Then what did you bring it for? Hunh girl? What in the hell did you bring it for?

(He drops the dessert on counter.)

JILL

Sam! What’s the matter with you?!

SAM

Me? Woman, what d’you think’s the matter with me?

What are you thinkin’ bout? We finally alone together after three years, I want to and it make you feel dirty, you gotta take a shower. I’m hungry but you say “no, you can’t eat.” What the hell’s the matter with you?

JILL

I don’t know! I’m just too nervous and it’s making me upset.

SAM

So now I make you feel nervous.

JILL

No! It’s not you. I’m just scared it’s not gonna work out. That everything’ll go wrong, and now it has. I just wanted… I just want tonight to be perfect. Just the two of us alone. Shut out everything else. Just us two. I guess I just imagined something different.

SAM

What? You think this was gonna be the Garden of Eden or somethin’? Cause it ain’t. You understand? This is prison baby. Inside! We lucky to have this!

JILL

No. I know it sounds dumb but I thought maybe we could act like, well… pretend we was at home. Like maybe we sent Donny over to your Mom’s and it was just us two having a nice quiet night at home. A normal evening at home. Like everybody else.

SAM

Hell, why not pretend we at the Hilton Hotel? Then we cold just call up the damn room service. “Bring us up some strawberry daiquiri and be damn quick about it.” That ok with you baby or maybe we can get some of them maitais, “Yeah, two double maitais and don’t forget the umbrellas.”

JILL

(Forcefully)

I… just… wanted… to give you one night… at… home. The way it’s sposed to be, should be. Just for one night to act

like we was at home together. Just one night. That’s all I wanted. That’s all.

SAM

You talkin’ crazy woman.

JILL

I don’t care if it is crazy. It’s better than being in prison. Isn’t it? What’s wrong with just wanting to feel like you’re at home for one night. I mean you aren’t getting out for another year. For now this is all we got. If that’s crazy I say fine, so what. You just sit there and I’ll cook dinner and we can talk… or you can read the paper. I brought you the sports.

SAM

Read the paper.

JILL

You just sit and relax while I get dinner ready. Stay there, ok?

SAM

Pure bullshit.

JILL

For me please? It’s all I’ve asked for in all this time. You just do it.

SAM

Ok, ok… crazy bullshit though. Ok.

JILL

(Pause)

I got us a nice big porterhouse steak. You should’a seen the look on the man’s face when I asked for it. I mean, like I was the first person in ten years to order one. He got real excited and started telling me all about how porterhouses was the best cut and you could tell people that knew good meat and stuff like that. I made his day.

SAM

Porterhouse.

JILL

Yeah… and you know what’s wild? I didn’t even know what one was. It just came into my head while I was standing there. Just a word. I wanted something special for you and it just came out of my mouth. Porterhouse. And then he gave me this. I mean look at it. It’s huge.

(Pause)

And then you know when I got home I was in the kitchen talking to Donny. Oh Sam, you should’a heard him. he wanted to come along with me. To stay here overnight with you. He couldn’t understand how come he couldn’t come and I was trying to explain, but I mean he’s only seven and well I couldn’t tell him that we was gonna be, well you know. Anyway, it was kinda sweet and funny.

SAM

You bring that picture of him?

JILL

Yeah! I had it blown up. (Gets picture out.)

Don’t he look cute. With his little bat and all.

SAM

Darlin’ he look just fine.

JILL

Oh yeah. Anyway, what I started to tell you was that while I was talking to him, our neighbor, old Mrs. Holstein?

SAM

Who?

JILL

You know, that really big woman that lives next door? I told you. TV addict. Anyway she comes running out her back door chasing her dog. And you should see this dog, it’s like a little swelled up sausage itself. It’s got one of her slippers and she’s chasing it in her housecoat and curlers and wearing the other slipper, and she’s going (country accent) “Candy Cane! You bring Mama’s slipper back you hear me? You bring Mama’s slipper right back here.” Can you believe it? The dog’s name? Candy Cane. I swear me and Donny bout had a fit.

SAM

(Flat) Candy Cane.

JILL

It about killed us.

SAM

All right. How bout bringin’ me a nice, cold Colt 45 out the fridge.

JILL

Come on Sam, please?

SAM

Oh, I thought this was sposed to be like home.

JILL

It is.

SAM

Yeah, well then bring me a cold beer and turn on the stereo. I think I just listen to some relaxin’ music, or maybe we can catch somethin’ on the TV. How bout that?

JILL

Why are you doing this?

SAM

Cause this ain’t our fuckin’ home. You understand that? You standin’ there tellin’ me bout things that don’t make any sense. Porterhouse. And I sure don’t know anythin’ bout your damn fat ass neighbor. I never even lived in that house. You keep talkin’ bout things that I don’t know nothin’ about. And I ain’t gonna pretend that this shithole is our home. So don’t talk like it is.

JILL

Well, you tell me something then. I don’t care. I just want to talk to you. You never tell me anything about your life here. We gotta talk Sam. We got to. We don’t got anything else left.

SAM

My life here? You don’t even want to know. You wouldn’t believe it, cause it’s real. i feel like I was walkin’ round with my eyes closed till I got here. I thought life was somethin’ good till I got here. It ain’t. Life ain’t no pretend Candy Cane bullshit! It’s black and white and this place here, this is the black. It’s so black, you can’t remember that there is anythin’ else.

JILL

Sam…

SAM

You want to hear bout my life? I’ll tell you. How bout a couple weeks ago there was this white boy, worked in the kitchen with me. He an all right kid and he bout to parole. Anyway, there these three brothers and drinkin’ some homebrew and gettin’ fucked up. They gettin’ drunk and mean thinkin’ how they in the joint and this here white punk gettin’ out. You know, and they get pissed off, gonna give the boy somethin’ to remember, for when he get out. They come and haul his ass out of the bunk and the boy start yellin’. So they stuff his head in an old laundry bag and tie it shut, start beatin’ him. He still making noise so they drag him down to the toilets. And these are brothers I talk to everyday. I mean I know these dudes and I know this kid and I couldn’t say nothin’. I just lay there. I mean it, I just lay there and never said a damn word. They shove this guy down in one of the stalls, start rapin’ him and you could hear his head thumpin’ into the toilet bowl. They bend him over so that every time they ram it in, his head get crammed into the toilet. You could hear that thud every time they shove it in. Wham, wham, wham, and every time he struggle, they kick him down.

(Jill starts to get up and come to Sam.)

No!… just sit. After while all you heard is that head thuddin’. After they all finished with him, they come back through the room laughin’, get in bed, go to sleep. An’ I just lay there awake, searing to god I’d get those fuckin’ bastards. Do somethin’. Next mornin’ no one got outta bed, we all just lay there till the guards come in and find that boy still wrapped over that toilet bowl, red blood all soaked through that bag. And he dead. Suffocated in that bag. Then the guards start carryin’ him out and one of them guards slip on the blood that’s all over the floor and fell on his ass. I remember that place was dead silence, nothin’ moved, nothin’. And then this guard explode, ripping up beds and shit and screamin’ that we was all fuckin’ animals, over and over. Finally he run out and the other guards carry the body out and say we better have the whole fuckin’ place spotless by the time they get back. I never seen people clean like that in my whole life. I scrub that floor till my hands bleedin’ and I feel like I’m gonna cry any second. Me! And I keep tellin’ myself “you motherfucker, you fuckin’ chickenshit, coward-ass motherfucker.” I scrubbin’ up this kid’s blood cause I ain’t got the guts to help him. I ain’t man enough to help him. I ain’t human being enough to help him.

JILL

What could you do? They would’ve…

SAM

Standin’ on my head pissin’ my pants been better than what I done. I done nothin’ cause that’s what I’ve become, nothin’. Nothin’ but a fuckin’ animal.

JILL

You’re not an animal. Nobody can say that!

SAM

Society say I’m an animal! That’s why I’m locked in this fuckin’ cage! And they right!

JILL

I say you’re not!

SAM

Oh yes, they right.

JILL

Listen to me…

SAM

I can’t.

JILL

Yes, you will. Listen! You’re not some animal. You’re my husband. You’re Donny’s father. That boy!

(Points to picture.)

That boy right there! You think that’s what he wants to hear you say after all the faith he puts in you? You’re the man we love and need. We love you so much it hurts! Don’t you understand that?

SAM

That’s all I do is hurt you.

JILL

You stop it. You hear me. Stop. You listen to me. (Tries to force her way into his arms.)

SAM

I wanted to do things for you so bad, give you things.

JILL

Sam…

SAM

I wanted to give you so much and…

JILL

I need you.

SAM

Stead you got no one to take care of you.

JILL

You.

SAM

No one.

JILL

I just want you.

SAM

I wanna do things for you, but I’m stuck here. I can’t get out.

JILL

Then do something here.

SAM

I can’t.

JILL

Yes, you can! Listen to me…

SAM

What?

JILL

Hold me.

SAM

I can’t. I’m ashamed.

JILL

Just love me and hold me.

(She forces herself into his arms.)

SAM

(Pause)

I’ll hold you baby. I’ll hold you.

THE END

A One Act Play

CAST OF CHARACTERS

HENRY DAVIS ……………………. A man in his mid 30s

JOANIE DAVIS …………………… His wife; in her mid 30s

VOICE …………………………. Male

Time: Sunday morning; pre-dawn; the end of October.

Place: A small town outside Buffalo, New York.

Setting: A dusty, dismal one-car garage in a pre-dawn glow. A feeling of emptiness permeates the room and its furnishings. A few light bulbs with pull-strings hang from the ceiling. At right are a chair and a desk with a computer, drafting paper, pencils, a swivel light and a telephone. Various machines covered in white sheets and cabinets are around the grim room. One open cabinet reveals various spare parts [washers, screws, nails, pipes, etc.]. A large, mobile trash bin stands in the rear of the room in front of a series of shelves on a wall filled with tools, boxes, and awards. A banner falling off the back wall reads “DAVIATION Takes You Away!”. In a far corner sits a piano covered by a white sheet. At left is a wooden table with vices around the corners. A large container that continues offstage rests in front of the table.

The curtain rises to reveal HENRY DAVIS, a man of iron in his mid 30s, solemnly gazing down at a closed container. He is wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and a bandage on his index finger. He opens the container and takes out a portion of a hot air balloon- an envelope- and waves it about dreamily. He finds an area of the envelope that has been freshly repaired and begins, as if sewing it himself, to mend the tear. After a few threads, he begins to sing the Jewish funeral prayer, ‘El Male Rachamim’.

  HENRY

(Singing)

El maley rakhamim shokhen ba-m’romim ha-m’tzei m’nukhah n’khonah.

MAN

(V.O.)

We’ve tried everything.

Pause.

HENRY

(As before)

Takhat kanfei ha-sh’khinah.

MAN

(V.O.)

There was just too much damage.

Henry trembles.

HENRY

(Struggling)

B’ma’alot…

MAN

(O.S.)

I’m sorry, Henry.

His legs fail him, and he collapses to the ground, dropping the envelope. The lights change, revealing a wheelchair nearby.

HENRY

(Yelling)

Awwwww-aaaaAAAAAHHHHH!

JOANIE

(Far O.S.)

DANNY! DA—HENRY?! Henry where are you? Henry? Answer me!

Unseen, she runs through the house.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

(O.S.)

Jesus! WHERE ARE YOU HENRY?! Answer me! Answer—

JOANIE DAVIS, an exhausted woman in her mid 30s, appears at the door dressed in sweatpants and a shirt.

JOANIE (CONT’D) —me! Henry…? Are you—

HENRY

What?

JOANIE

What are you doing in here?

HENRY

Are you just going to stand there or—

JOANIE

Sweety…

She goes to him.

HENRY

You called out his name again.

Pause.

JOANIE

Let me help you.

She tries helping him into his chair.

HENRY

I’ve got it.

JOANIE

Will you—

HENRY

I said I’ve got it!

She lets go. He falls.

HENRY (CONT’D) What are you doing?!

JOANIE

If you’d let me help you once in awhile then—

HENRY

Stop teaching me!

JOANIE

I’m not teaching you, I’m—

HENRY

Just…! Give me a hand.

He lets her help. She notices the envelope.

JOANIE

What balloon is that?

HENRY

How many years and you don’t know it’s called an envelope?

JOANIE

Don’t snap at me Mr. Expert.

She puts him in the chair, then looks closer at the envelope.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

Is this— What is this doing in my house?

HENRY

Calm down and let me—

JOANIE

CHRIST ALMIGHTY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS THING?

HENRY

Don’t blaspheme!

JOANIE

Why is this…?

She goes to the trash bin and pushes it in front of him.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

Get rid of this now Goddammit!

HENRY

What did I just say?

JOANIE

You don’t even believe in Christ!

HENRY

God is God. Respect Hashem.

JOANIE

I’m so sick of your quotes.

HENRY

He divided my light from my darkness. He—

JOANIE

Stop!

HENRY

He’s the only one who’s been getting me through it all.

JOANIE

Does God drive you to PT every week and stock up on suppositories?

HENRY

Don’t be crude.

JOANIE

Don’t tell me some invisible man is helping you when I’m taking double and triple shifts to pay for this, this…

HENRY

This what?

JOANIE

I don’t know what to call this. How can you have faith in anything that gives in one breath and takes away in the next?

HENRY

If you took the time to see that The Abundant One has—

JOANIE

The Abundant—

HENRY —blessed this house with our—

JOANIE

Blessed?! Are you out of your mind?

HENRY

Yes, we are blessed to be alive and we should be grateful to God because He is kind, and if you’d pray for forgiveness you’d see that—

JOANIE

Shut up… just shut your stupid mouth and stop making me feel guilty you—

The phone rings.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

Ughh!

She goes to the phone and picks it up. During the conversation, Henry tries to get her attention.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

Hello?! Oh, Mrs. Cooper, hi. Yes, yes, everything’s fine.

We’re just… cleaning. This early. Oh, that was a… hammer. Henry dropped a hammer on his— It’s funny, I didn’t

realize the walls were so— You know, it’s a mess in here and things are just— (To Henry, in a loud whisper) WHAT?!

He grabs the phone.

HENRY

Mrs. Cooper! Sorry to wake you, but we were just going through some things and— Yes, everything is A-okay! Huh? Me? Never been better. Yeah. I’m anxious for the unveiling. Sorry, the headstone unveiling. It’s a Jewish tradition when we dedicate the headstone a year after— Yeah. Well, that’s very kind of you. Thanks for calling. Sorry again. Bye.

He hands the phone to Joanie, who hangs it up. She looks at the envelope and back at Henry.

JOANIE

You’re anxious?

HENRY

Of course I’m anxious. It’s the first time I’ll get to see him. Next to Papa and Dad. You know, I need to thank you. For what? For following the law, even when it’s not yours. That’s special, Joanie. The headstone is such an important—

JOANIE

Let’s just stop talking about it.

HENRY

What’s the matter?

JOANIE

And why are you— Having this thing here—

HENRY

If you get upset again she’ll call back.

JOANIE

You think I’m upset now?

HENRY

Calm down.

JOANIE

Tell me how this got in here!

HENRY

Someone from the shop brought it over.

JOANIE

Someone?

HENRY

Yeah.

JOANIE

When did someone bring this over?

HENRY

Recently.

JOANIE

When recently?

HENRY

Just recently.

JOANIE

Why would someone bring this here recently?

HENRY

I needed to fix it.

JOANIE

For what?

HENRY

I’ll tell you later.

JOANIE

You’ll tell me now!

She moves the wheelchair so Henry faces her.

Silence.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

(Tenderly)

Henry. This isn’t healthy for you or me or this house, do you understand?

HENRY

It’s helping me.

JOANIE

Falling out of your chair in an empty, dusty garage when the sun is still down is not helpful. All of your accidents happen when I’m farthest away from you.

HENRY

No they don’t.

JOANIE

I came home the other day and your finger was gushing.

HENRY

I was trying to peel an apple.

JOANIE

With a steak knife.

HENRY

Accidents happen.

JOANIE

Stupidity happens, and you’re not doing yourself any favors keeping me as far away from you as possible.

HENRY

What’s that mean?

She starts to leave.

HENRY (CONT’D)

Hey!

JOANIE

I’m going to lie down and stare at the ceiling, and when I wake up this thing had better not be here.

She goes to leave.

HENRY

Well set an alarm because Steve is coming to get us at nine.

She stops.

JOANIE

Steve?

HENRY

Yeah.

JOANIE

Why?

HENRY

How else are we getting to the cemetery?

JOANIE

Henry—

HENRY

What?

JOANIE

I…

HENRY

What?

JOANIE

Already rented a car, so there’s no reason for Steve to—

HENRY

You did?

JOANIE

Yeah.

HENRY

How much did it cost?

JOANIE

Nothing too expensive.

HENRY

What kind of car?

JOANIE

It has a… big trunk for your chair. Plenty of—

HENRY

Big— What are you talking about? What kind of car is it?

JOANIE

What does it matter what kind of—

HENRY

If I can get a ride from my brother then I’ll do that instead of throwing money away on a big trunk.

JOANIE

Well, it’s already done.

HENRY

There’s a car outside?

Henry wheels himself downstage a bit to look out a window. He tries to lift himself up to see it, but fails.

HENRY (CONT’D)

We’ll deal with it later. Steve’s coming to get us.

JOANIE

Excuse me?

HENRY

That’s the way it is.

JOANIE

That’s not the way it is; you told me to take care of everything.

HENRY

I told you to take care of everything when I couldn’t, but I’m home now.

JOANIE

Yeah, and you’re calling The Great Steve when you should be asking to me about arranging things.

HENRY

You’ve got something against Steve now?

JOANIE

Yeah, him and his half-stories.

HENRY

What?

JOANIE

Nothing.

HENRY

What half-stories?

Silence.

HENRY (CONT’D)

Did- Did you talk to Steve?

JOANIE

…Yes.

HENRY

When?

JOANIE

Recently.

HENRY

Don’t pull that with me.

JOANIE

Don’t like your own game?

Pause.

HENRY

Was it yesterday? Was it yesterday?

JOANIE

When I was at work.

HENRY

What part of yesterday?

JOANIE

What does it matter what—

HENRY

Just tell me.

JOANIE

In the afternoon.

HENRY

Why’d you call him?

JOANIE

He called me.

HENRY

He— And what did he say to you?

JOANIE

That’s between me and him.

HENRY

Oh well, so now you’ve got secrets with my brother?

JOANIE

Come on…

HENRY

Well if you can’t tell me then it must be a secret then, right?

JOANIE

What’s—

HENRY

You can’t tell me?! Well then I guess you’re sleeping around with him?

JOANIE

WHAT?!

HENRY

What else am I supposed to think?

JOANIE

Oh come on!

She goes to leave.

HENRY

How long has this been going on?

JOANIE

Nothing’s going on.

HENRY

After the first surgery? The second?

JOANIE

I’m your wife you idiot!

HENRY

Yeah, and he’s not stuck in a chair with nothing working down here, you don’t want to tell me what you talked about so what the hell else am I supposed to think?

JOANIE

You’re— Ugh!

HENRY

He’s not even that good looking.

JOANIE

You want to talk about sneaking around, like you waiting for me to fall asleep so you could sneak in here?

HENRY

Don’t change the subject.

JOANIE

Then don’t accuse me of messing around with your brother.

HENRY

He had no reason to call you.

JOANIE

Yesterday he did.

Silence.

HENRY

Well…?

JOANIE

That’s between me and him.

HENRY

Oh yeah! Nothing’s going on! Right! Not a thing!

JOANIE

Do you have a clue what he’s been going through?

HENRY

What he’s been— What HE’S been going through!

JOANIE

He was shaking and pale as a ghost.

HENRY

You saw him?!

JOANIE

Yes, I saw him, and he was a complete wreck, but he—

She looks at the envelope.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

It was yesterday, wasn’t it?

HENRY

What?

JOANIE

You made him bring this over yesterday. That’s why he was—

HENRY

Why are you pretending you didn’t know?

JOANIE

Because he didn’t say anything! Why are you putting us all through so much shit? You think you’re the only one in that chair?

HENRY

I am the only one in this chair!

JOANIE

No, you’re not. Christ!

HENRY

Respect Hashem.

JOANIE

Do you know how much it hurts to hear you say something like that?

HENRY

I’m Jewish.

JOANIE

Not that you— You haven’t been out of the house since you came home last month, and I’m out so much of the

day, but how you can think that after everything? And what you’re doing with this garbage bag is—

HENRY

Papa made this garbage bag by hand and built Daviation from the ground up, and when Dad took it over—

JOANIE

Don’t give me the sales pitch.

HENRY

It’s about family, and you never understood that.

She goes to the sign and looks at it.

JOANIE

You’ve got a hell of a sense of family.

HENRY

It’s all I have.

JOANIE

It’s time get back to what you know. Your tools are all waiting for you.

He holds up his weak hands.

HENRY

My tools are broken.

JOANIE

Your fine motor skills just need to redevelop and then—

HENRY

Oh, they just need to— Do you listen to yourself?

JOANIE

If you don’t make some kind of effort then you have no chance of getting back to where you were.

HENRY

Yeah, I’ll be back on my feet in no time if I start telling my toes to wiggle.

JOANIE

You need to do something constructive.

HENRY

What about my eyes? Of course I’m bumping into things and knocking stuff over.

JOANIE

Wear your glasses.

HENRY

They’re annoying.

JOANIE

Then—

HENRY

What?

JOANIE

Tell your company to pair you with someone who will draw your ideas and that you’ll go on-site to manage things. It’ll be good for you.

HENRY

I hadn’t thought of that.

JOANIE

You see?

HENRY

I’ll describe building plans to someone else who will render them… and let my crew shit on me every day. You’re a genius.

JOANIE

They won’t shit on you. How many times were they over here in our yard for barbecues and… and birthdays…?

HENRY

How come none of them came to visit me at the hospital?

JOANIE

Everyone came. You didn’t want visitors. There are so many people who care about you, do you realize that?

HENRY

He cares about me.

JOANIE

Who?

HENRY

The God of Abraham.

JOANIE

Come work with me at the store and then I won’t have to be the only one supporting us.

With great effort, he wheels over to the shelf where the awards stand. Struggling, he reaches up, takes a medal, and shows it to her.

HENRY

You see this?

Silence.

HENRY (CONT’D)

Do you see it?

JOANIE

Yes, I see it.

HENRY

“The Thomas Jefferson Medal in Architecture, 2003.” I am the youngest recipient since they started giving it out almost half a century ago. And these others…? No one’s got my credentials. I changed the skylines of Shanghai, Bangkok, Hanoi, Manilla—

JOANIE

God, your ego!

HENRY

You didn’t say a word when you were front row at any of those symphonies in Singapore or drinking twenty-five year-old Chivas on the roof of a club in the center of Shanghai.

JOANIE

That’s not import—

HENRY

So don’t tell me I can greet customers or stuff eggs—

JOANIE

Please…

HENRY

—and milk into shopping bags, and wheel my ass around the aisles with a price gun labeling cookies and diapers—

JOANIE

It’s work!

HENRY

—when you could’ve given me some steel and bolts and a cement mixer the size of a bowling ball bag and I could’ve built you an oasis in the middle of the Gobi Desert! DON’T TELL ME ABOUT MY PRIDE!

He lamely throws the medal, which does not get very far across the room.

JOANIE

Nice. Throw things around like a—

HENRY

Like a what?

JOANIE

An ass.

HENRY

That’s what you were going to say?

JOANIE

Yes.

HENRY

Are you sure?

JOANIE

I hate when you get like this.

HENRY

Like what?

JOANIE

Can it, will ya?

HENRY

Like at Shop ‘N’ Save?

JOANIE

Don’t step on what’s keeping food and treatment coming in!

HENRY

I can’t step on anything Joanie.

JOANIE

Don’t roll over it.

He laughs.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

Are you okay?

HENRY

Peachy keen jelly bean.

JOANIE

Oh my dear.

He wheels away from her.

HENRY

(Singing)

Oh my dear Joanie/ Mind me no more./I’m just your fool/Don’t you know it?

JOANIE

Hankie…

HENRY

(Singing)

Oh My dear Joanie/Mind me, won’t you?/ Don’t you see/ That I’m a fool for—

JOANIE

No songs.

He turns to face her.

HENRY

When are you going to start playing again? I bet all those kids in the cancer ward miss you. And your students at school. You should be back in the music room all day with your baton and your sheet—

JOANIE

No.

HENRY

They told you to take your time. Call your principal and they’ll have the janitor in there tonight cleaning all the music stands for first period Monday.

JOANIE

I can’t.

He wheels himself over to the piano. He partially removes the sheet. She turns away.

HENRY

Then do one-on-ones.

JOANIE

Cover that back up.

HENRY

You can earn so much more if you don’t want so many—

JOANIE

Cover it!

He plays a few notes.

HENRY

I always thought you were better than your mom, and she was something, huh? Roll this back in the living room and stick it where it was that first winter when we had music before we had heating. It would be so easy.

JOANIE

Uh-huh.

HENRY

You’re more able than I am to get back to what you know.

JOANIE

How can you expect me to play for another child when I can’t play for my own?

Beat.

HENRY

I’ve got one for you. There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn’t run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn’t have any arms or legs. “I’m here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can’t beat you, and I have no legs so I can’t run away from you.” “Yes, but are you good in bed?” “How do you think I rang the doorbell?”

JOANIE

Is that supposed to be funny?

HENRY

From where I’m sitting, yeah.

JOANIE

What’s funny about your condition?

HENRY

My— Joanie, look at me. Can’t you look at me?

She makes a face.

HENRY (CONT’D)

What was that?

JOANIE

What was what?

HENRY

That face you made.

JOANIE

I didn’t make any face.

HENRY

I’m not completely blind.

JOANIE

I need to go lie down.

HENRY

I’m here! I’m in this chair! You see?

Beat.

HENRY (CONT’D)

How can you get off on humiliating me?

JOANIE

I don’t get off on—

HENRY

So you are humiliating me!

JOANIE

Stop twisting my words around!

HENRY

Then look at me!

She moves away.

JOANIE

I can’t because your face is his face and your chair is his chair, and I’m always going to be taking care of someone who can’t take care of themselves.

HENRY

I didn’t ask for this!

JOANIE

Did I?

Beat.

HENRY

We were happy overseas. Everything was there. Hop a flight and end up somewhere—

JOANIE

We had Danny here.

HENRY

I’m talking about before.

JOANIE

You were happy before, but not after we had—

HENRY

Don’t put words in my mouth.

JOANIE

I don’t understand.

HENRY

I’m talking about how we could have done things differently. We could’ve had him earlier or—

JOANIE

There’s no reason to do that when everything is set in its way.

HENRY

I can still dream it’s not.

Beat.

HENRY (CONT’D)

I dream of the whale sharks.

JOANIE

Whale sharks.

Lights and sound change.

HENRY

It’s a bright sunny day. Not a cloud over that island with the fireflies everywhere.

JOANIE

Henry…

HENRY

Just the two of us and the owner with the French accent. You’re sleeping on a bed of roses. I’m in a… sun salutation and then a mountain pose on that little piece of land that juts out above the lagoon. I walk…

He stands and walks away from the chair and moves with his story. At one point, JOANIE joins him. Lights and sound continue to change.

HENRY (CONT’D)

I walk down that staircase of sea shells built into the rock and go swimming while chocolate crepes and mango lassies are cooking. I swim out a hundred meters. Everything is so calm, so removed from the things that get in the way of enjoying life. Paradise. Then, something hard brushes up against my foot. I look down and the biggest fish I’ve ever seen—blue, with white spots and a mouth this big, surrounded by these small white fish with whiskers—is dancing beneath me, gliding through the water as if weightless in this bottomless ocean. I come up for air… and see the endless horizon… and when I look down there are three of them now, the unit. And as they swim they change—

JOANIE

Henry…?

HENRY

—into us. And we are dancing weightless. Maybe if you’d come up there with us we’d have this story.

JOANIE

Maybe I’d e in that chair? Or in the dirt? Or—

HENRY

That’s not what I meant.

JOANIE

Do you know what I’ve dreamed about every night for the last year while you’ve been dancing with whales?

Sounds and lights change.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

I close my eyes and see you push Danny into the basket and I smell the cotton candy and feel the sun on my face—

HENRY

I—

JOANIE

—and you’re there, in the basket, already lifting off and pulling the cord and the flame is shooting out and you’re going higher and drifting away and then the next thing I know is something sparks and there’s, there’s BURNING above you and Danny and, and I’m in the basket and—

HENRY

Joanie!

JOANIE

—the wind howls like a pack of banshees and I’ve lost control of everything and Danny is bawling because there’s a fire spreading and now we’re—

HENRY

I don’t want to hear it!

Sound and lights of sirens.

JOANIE

—dropping like a rock and the ground is flying at us and we CRASH the ground and the sirens are blaring from the distance and getting closer I’m lying over him and he’s not moving and you’re—

HENRY

I said enough!

JOANIE

I SEE IT! AND I LIVE WITH IT!

He sits.

Silence.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

How can you tell me if you could do it over again you would still go up there?

HENRY

There’s a plan for everyone.

JOANIE

Don’t tell me that there was a plan that included my husband being broken and my son dying because of his father’s stupidity.

HENRY

We were meant to go up and you—

JOANIE

No, YOU took our son with cerebral palsy up in this garbage bag, and—

HENRY

You let him go.

JOANIE

Don’t you dare, after so many years of listening to you go on and on and on about ballooning and Daviation and how beautiful and safe it all is! Do you know what expert even means?

HENRY

Joanie—

JOANIE

It means, IT MEANS that when something goes wrong you can handle the situation and nothing bad happens!

HENRY

You can’t blame me for—

JOANIE

Yes, I can blame you because you are the expert and I trusted you!

She pushes the bin into him.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

This is my house, and I say what goes. This goes.

HENRY

(To himself.)

Up, up and away.

JOANIE

Out. Now.

HENRY

(Quickly)

After Danny’s unveiling Steve’s taking us to the fair grounds and we’re going up.

JOANIE

What did you just say?

HENRY

(Deliberately)

I’m going to finish fixing this, and Steve will load up the truck in the morning, come on over to get us, drop us off, and while we’re at Danny’s grave he’ll be setting up the basket and filling this up so by the time he comes for us and brings us over—

JOANIE

Oh…

HENRY

—everything will be ready. By noon we’ll be up in that heavenly sky and we’ll eat Danny’s favorite strawberry frozen yogurt together and—

JOANIE

God…

HENRY

—we’ll look down on the whole town and keep rising til we see clear to Niagara Falls and we’ll finally be—

JOANIE

Stop! Listen to me: I’m going to wheel you out of this room, and I’m going to help you onto the bed, and you’re going to rest.

HENRY

Can’t you see the beauty in it?

She approaches him.

JOANIE

I see that you’re very upset, and you need to—

He grabs her hands.

HENRY

Stop talking to me like I’m a child! We have to go up there! It all makes sense. You were afraid, and God punished us for not keeping the family unit together at that critical, defining moment of a tradition. We should have all been weightless, dancing in the air, and we will be, but first we have a sacred duty to perform. I’ve been practicing the El Maleh Rahamim prayer, and—

JOANIE

There is no unveiling.

Pause.

HENRY

What?

JOANIE

(Tears in her eyes)

I’m sorry, Hankie.

HENRY

What are you talking about?

JOANIE

You told me to take care of everything, and I did. He’s on my family’s plot at St. Paul’s.

He starts to laugh.

HENRY

Oh! Oh! Holy— Oh, Joanie Melissa Thompkins Davis. You got me! I’d bow down if I could and kiss those wonderful feet of yours. Whoo! Bless me, Oh Lord, King of the Universe, I thought I was the funny one. Did I or did I not marry the right girl? Come here and give old Hankie a kiss.

She sobs.

JOANIE

We didn’t know how to tell you. I tried… but you, you were broken. Steve asked me what I wanted, and so that’s what we did, and it’s… been killing me.

HENRY

A good joke knows when its course is run.

JOANIE

Danny’s buried with my family in Eden.

Pause.

HENRY

He’s buried in Eden?

She nods.

HENRY (CONT’D)

He’s in… Eden?

JOANIE

I was just going to bring you there today. Just me and you.

HENRY

Steve told me everything is ready to— Danny’s next to Dad. The whole family’s coming tomorrow.

Joanie shakes her head.

HENRY (CONT’D)

No. My brother wouldn’t stand here and lie to my face.

JOANIE

People lie. Family does it the best.

HENRY

You promised me to keep it Jewish.

JOANIE

I’m sorry.

HENRY

He’s—Danny’s Jewish, and he cannot be buried in a—

JOANIE

Just stop pretending! You didn’t even know one prayer til you were three months into traction, and we only ever celebrated my holidays.

HENRY

You kept this from me for a year! He— That’s not the Eden that God promises to—

JOANIE

God isn’t there for people to latch onto when they’re desperate for something and you’re despicable for even thinking that I would—

HENRY

He’s not there to be thrown away, either, when things turn rotten!

JOANIE

Stop pretending you believe in anything beyond you. I’d be damned if I was going to let my son rest with your family!

HENRY

How could you do this to ME?

JOANIE

You bastard!

She lunges for Henry. After hitting him she picks up the envelope and begins tearing at it. He tries to stop her.

JOANIE (CONT’D)

You son-of-a— You damned him! You’ve damned him! You’ve damned him! You killed him!

HENRY

Stop it! Let go! Dammit stop!

JOANIE

You killed him! You killed him! You killed my baby! You killed my—

HENRY

Let go!

As the tug-of-war reaches its peak, the envelope tears and Henry is pulled out of his chair.

HENRY (CONT’D)

Ah!

JOANIE

I hate you!

They both wail. Then, Henry looks at her, the envelope, and around.

HENRY

Why? Why this?! It was just a second that I turned away to— Why did you let him pull the—… He pulled the…

because I turned and— Oh… God. I didn’t think anything could—

Joanie rocks in place.

HENRY (CONT’D)

Joanie…? Joanie…? I know it was my— Joanie? I held onto him and told him everything would be okay and not to look, but… he laughed. He had no idea what was happening, and just laughed and kept laughing til— I swear to you, he was laughing like it was the greatest thrill in the world. He was laughing.

She stands apart from him. Henry begins to cry.

HENRY (CONT’D)

He was laughing. He was…

Henry wraps himself in the envelope, brings his hands together and prays.

HENRY (CONT’D)

Baruch dayan haemet. Baruch dayan haemet. Baruch dayan…

Henry continues repeating “Blessed is the true judge…” Joanie is frozen. The cover over the piano slips off. After a moment, Joanie floats toward the piano, touches it and sits. She plays a song. Henry’s prayers quiet. As she plays, the lights change. Henry rises and floats over to Joanie. He watches her play. He sits beside her without her acknowledging his presence. At the end of the song, Henry rests his head on his shoulder.

Blackout.

The End.

by Susan L. Lin

 

Scene: A room with glass panels on one side and a door. Shelves of books cover the back and sidewalls. In the foreground, a girl in her early- to mid-twenties sits in a leather armchair. In her lap is an open book. She is lit softly by a light from above. To the back right corner of the room, a redheaded man hunched over a desk, working with great concentration. He is a shape in the darkness.

 

GIRL IN ARMCHAIR

I love this room. I always have, I loved its sound, I loved its voice, and when other kids were tripping each other on the playground, I was watching words spill out its throat. Mom told me stories here, she told them standing at the doorway, right outside, when I was sleeping. At school, I crawled all over the furniture: I couldn’t sit still. It was like I had too many legs—they were always moving, always propelling me forward and forward, but then back again. To the side. Forward. (Pause.) I always felt like I had too many legs.

REDHEADED MAN

(writing as he speaks) “The wings of the Ulysses Butterfly are iridescent blue-green when fully open and extended…”

 

 

 

GIRL IN ARMCHAIR

Sometimes I wasn’t sleeping, sometimes I was just pretending to. I could hear her feet on the carpet outside the door, her hands fingerprinting the windowpanes. Through my half-open eyes, I would see her looking through the glass at me. Her voice sounded oddly far away. She told me about people I didn’t know. A boy who flies too close to sun. A man who leaves home only to return twenty years later. A girl who tries to avenge for her father’s death by killing her mother. Later, she told me he kept books in the trunk of his car. She told me I was too old for this room. She was closing the door and I had to walk away. (Pause.) Art was powerful. Or could’ve been. She told me that too. Art caught her by surprise, left her wanting. She wanted to reach out and touch it.

 

The man sits up abruptly.

REDHEADED MAN

Where the hell’s my eraser?

 

He flips through the papers on his desk.

 

GIRL IN ARMCHAIR

Art was everlasting. I learned that one myself. The day I dropped all of her photographs, I picked them up and put them all back where I’d found them, all but one. That first photo that had fallen onto the floor—I slipped you under my shirt when Mom wasn’t looking and took you to my room. How old were you then? Twenty-two? Twenty-three? I’ve never been able to get that picture out of my mind. The way the lines of your body instinctively left one place and entered a new one: the past meeting the present, meeting the future. I didn’t care anymore then whether I had a right to touch the photo, claim it as my own. In art class, chalk pastels coated my fingertips with dust. (Pause.) Everywhere I went, I left fingerprints.

 

REDHEADED MAN

It’s getting dark. I need a light.

 

He strikes a match and lights the birthday candle on a frosted cupcake, creating a yellow glow around his work area.

 

GIRL IN ARMCHAIR

They were in small glass jars we kept in our desks. I never knew where the second grade teachers got them from exactly. Is there such a thing as mail-order caterpillars? Is there a catalog for these things? There must be. This is what I remember: each day we had to record our observations on worksheets like we were scientists. How fast were the caterpillars growing? How much were they eating? How old were they when they started forming their chrysalis? (Pause, softly.) Undergoing their metamorphosis.

 

REDHEADED MAN

(whispering) I’ll never finish this.

 

GIRL IN ARMCHAIR

A metamorphosis. That’s what the teachers called it. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard the word, but when they said it, it felt different, not at all like the echoes of my mother’s voice late at night. The day all the butterflies finally came out, we let them go in the garden behind our school. It was my eighth birthday that day. In the cafeteria during lunch, I brought everyone cupcakes and they sang “Happy Birthday” before I blew out the candle on my cupcake. That day… (Pause.) I wished for the impossible.

 

The lights on the girl start to dim.

 

REDHEADED MAN

(flinches visibly, suddenly) Shit.

 

The man reaches around for a tissue and presses it to one of his fingers, then gets up and walks quickly out of the room.

 

A moment passes.

 

The girl gets up and walks to the desk, closing her book and setting it down in the space where the man had been working.

 

GIRL IN THE ARMCHAIR

Come back to me.

 

She blows out the candle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A short play

 

CHARACTERS

MAE: A woman in her mid-seventies. Edgar’s wife of many years.

EDGAR: A man in his late seventies. Mae’s husband of many years.

 

SET

Edgar and Mae’s kitchen. A simple set is preferred. A kitchenette set with a table and two chairs, a stove, a sink; perhaps a refrigerator.

 

 

(Mid-morning.

 

LIGHTS UP on EDGAR and MAE.

 

MAE stands at a kitchen sink washing and drying morning dishes. EDGAR sits at a kitchen table, reading a newspaper.)

 

 

EDGAR

Good breakfast, Mae.

 

(MAE turns to him.)

 

MAE

Thank you, Edgar.

 

(Slight pause.)

 

EDGAR

Damn good breakfast.

 

(Beat.)

 

MAE

The secret’s in the skillet.

 

EDGAR

How so?

 

MAE

That’s my secret, not yours.

 

EDGAR

That’s right, that’s right. Your secret, not mine.

 

(Pause. EDGAR returns to reading his newspaper. MAE picks up a skillet. She looks it over. She gently runs the skillet under the kitchen faucet, and gingerly dried it with a paper towel. She looks toward EDGAR.)

 

Mae

You don’t wash it.

 

Edgar

What?

 

Mae

The skillet. You don’t wash it. With soap. You don’t scrub it.

 

Edgar

Why not?

 

Mae

It ruins the seasoning.

 

EDGAR

The what?

 

MAE

The seasoning. (Beat.) The flavor.

 

EDGAR

What flavor?

 

MAE

Maintaining the seasoning improves the taste and flavor of the foods you cook in it.

 

EDGAR

Where’d’ya learn that?

 

MAE

 

(Slight pause.)

 

EDGAR

(Smiling at MAE.)

You and your cookbooks.

 

(MAE smiles back at him. Pause.)

 

Mae

What do you want for dinner?

 

EDGAR

Dinner?

 

MAE

 

EDGAR

I’m still digesting my breakfast, Mae.

 

MAE

I need to defrost something.

 

(Slight pause.)

 

EDGAR

What about lunch?

 

MAE

Liverwurst sandwich, Edgar.

 

EDGAR

Right, right. Of course.

 

MAE

And I have bologna.

 

EDGAR

Right, right.

 

MAE

(Tenderly.)

Edgar. We decided lunch years ago.

 

EDGAR

Right, right. Of course.

 

(Pause.)

 

MAE

What about dinner?

 

EDGAR

I’m thinking. (Slight pause.) What are my options?

 

MAE

(Exasperated.)

Chicken, chop meat, pork.

 

EDGAR

Is that all?

 

MAE

All what?

 

EDGAR

All my options.

 

MAE

(Confused.)

That’s what we got, Edgar.

 

(Pause.)

 

EDGAR

What if I wanted, say, I dunno … fish?

 

MAE

Fish?

 

EDGAR

 

(Beat.)

MAE

We never have fish.

 

EDGAR

But what if I wanted fish?

 

MAE

You hate fish.

 

EDGAR

Do I?

 

MAE

If memory serves me right, Edgar, you do hate fish.

 

(Beat.)

 

EDGAR

But what if I did want fish?

 

MAE

Why would you want fish?

 

EDGAR

Humor me, Mae.

 

(Pause.)

 

MAE

I suppose I would go to the market.

 

EDGAR

Today?

 

MAE

Yes, today.

 

EDGAR

Not Thursday?

 

MAE

(Smiling.)

No. Today.

 

(EDGAR smiles back at MAE. He returns to reading the newspaper. Pause.)

 

MAE (CONT’D)

Should I…?

 

EDGAR

(Looking up from his newspaper.)

What?

 

MAE

Go to the market….

 

(EDGAR looks at her inquisitively.)

 

MAE (CONT’D)

For fish.

 

EDGAR

I hate fish, Mae.

 

MAE

Of course you do.

 

(EDGAR returns to his newspaper. Pause.)

 

MAE (CONT’D)

Chicken, chop or pork?

 

EDGAR

(Looking up from his newspaper.)

What was in that breakfast?

 

MAE

Same thing as always.

 

EDGAR

Something was different.

 

MAE

Three sunny-sides, two American bacons, two links, slice of toast, orange juice.

 

EDGAR

What did you have?

 

MAE

My breakfast, Edgar. (Beat.) Scramble.

 

EDGAR

Right, right. (Slight pause.) Something was different.

 

MAE

(Emphatically.)

Nothing was different, Edgar. Chicken, chop or pork.

 

(Pause.)

 

EDGAR

What if we went out?

 

MAE

Out?

 

EDGAR

 

(Slight pause.)

 

MAE

Out where?

 

EDGAR

For dinner.

 

(Beat.)

 

MAE

Why would we do that?

 

EDGAR

Something different.

 

(MAE crosses to the table. She sits. Pause.)

 

MAE

Where would we go, Edgar?

 

EDGAR

(Putting down the newspaper; with emphasis.)

Anywhere we want to.

 

(Beat.)

 

MAE

I don’t know.

 

EDGAR

(Taking her hand.)

Come on, Mae.

 

MAE

Where?

 

(Pause. EDGAR thinks.)

 

EDGAR

(Smiling.)

Toscano’s.

 

(Beat.)

 

MAE

Toscano’s?

 

EDGAR

You remember Toscano’s.

 

MAE

Of course I remember Toscano’s.

 

EDGAR

I proposed to you at Toscano’s.

 

MAE

Of course you did.

 

EDGAR

And you accepted.

 

MAE

Of course I did.

 

EDGAR

Then, let’s go to Toscano’s.

 

MAE

Are you sure, Edgar?

 

EDGAR

Come on, Mae.

 

(Slight pause.)

 

MAE

Alright. Alright. Let’s go to Toscano’s.

 

(Pause, as they look at each other.)

 

EDGAR

Let’s get us a reservation.

 

MAE

Alright. Alright. (Beat.) When? What time?

 

(Pause. EDGAR thinks.)

 

EDGAR

We eat dinner at five.

 

MAE

Five, then.

(Slight pause.)

 

EDGAR

(An epiphany.)

No. Make it five-thirty.

 

MAE

Edgar!

 

EDGAR

(Confidently.)

Five-thirty, Mae.

 

(Beat.)

 

MAE

Alright, Edgar. Five-thirty.

 

(They look at each other.)

 

EDGAR

You gonna make the call?

 

MAE

Alright, I will.

 

(MAE stands and crosses to a kitchen wall phone.)

 

EDGAR

You got the number?

 

(MAE leafs through an old battered address book that had been hanging on a nail on the wall next to the telephone.)

 

MAE

In my book.

 

EDGAR

You got the number in your book?

 

MAE

Of course I do.

 

(Beat.)

 

EDGAR

All this time?

 

MAE

(Locating the phone number.)

Here it is.

 

EDGAR

(Lower voice; almost to himself.)

All this time.

 

(MAE dials the phone number.)

 

MAE

Hello. I would like to make a reservation for tonight for two people at five-thirty… What?… Is this Toscano’s?… Toscano’s…. Do you have the new number, then?… What?… When?… Oh, my…. Alright, then…. You have a nice….

 

(She places the receiver back on the hook.)

 

EDGAR

What?… Well…?

 

(Pause, as MAE crosses to the table and sits.)
MAE

That was…. That was….

 

EDGAR

(He takes her hand.)

Go on, Mae.

 

MAE

Toscano’s closed, Edgar. (Beat.) More than twenty years ago.

 

EDGAR

Who was that, then?

 

MAE

Some oriental lady.

 

EDGAR

I don’t think we’d like Chinese food.

 

MAE

No. (Beat.) It wasn’t a restaurant at all, Edgar. (Beat.) She was just an oriental lady. (Beat.) She’s had the number for years.

 

EDGAR

Oh. (Beat.) Well, then.

 

MAE

Well, then.

 

EDGAR

 

(Slight pause.)

 

MAE

Now what?

 

EDGAR

Well. (Beat.) We’ll have dinner here.

 

(Pause.)

 

MAE

Edgar?

 

EDGAR

What?

 

MAE

Why Toscano’s?

 

(Beat.)

 

EDGAR

No reason.

 

MAE

Why breakfast?

 

EDGAR

Mae?

 

MAE

Why fish?

 

EDGAR

No reason.

 

MAE

Edgar!

 

(Slight pause.)

 

EDGAR

I’ve been to my doctor. (Beat.) I’m sick, Mae.

 

MAE

What?

 

EDGAR

 

MAE

You’ve been sick before.

 

EDGAR

Not like this.

 

(Pause.)

 

MAE

Oh, Edgar.

 

EDGAR

Sorry, Mae.

 

(Slight pause.)

 

MAE

Bad?

 

(Beat.)

 

EDGAR

 

(Slight pause.)

 

MAE

When were you going to tell me?

 

EDGAR

Yesterday. Last night. This morning. Tonight at Toscano’s. (Beat.) Maybe never.

 

 (Pause. EDGAR and MAE silently look at each other. EDGAR breaks their stare to look at a wall clock. He stands and crosses towards the kitchen door.)

 

MAE

Where are you going?

 

(EDGAR points at the wall clock.)

 

EDGAR

 

MAE

Now what, Edgar?

 

(Slight pause. EDGAR stops at the doorway and turns to MAE.)

 

EDGAR

I don’t know.

 

MAE

Edgar?

 

EDGAR

Yes?

 

MAE

(Smiling.)

Chicken. (Beat.) Chicken. We’ll have chicken for dinner, Edgar.

 

(Slight pause.)

 

EDGAR

(Smiling.)

That sounds real good, Mae.

 

(EDGAR exits. MAE sits silently for several beats. She stands and crosses to the sink. She picks up the skillet. She turns on the water faucet and grabs a bottle of dishwashing liquid. She pauses over the sink. Holding the skillet in one hand and the dishwashing liquid in the other she begins to weep as the LIGHTS SLOWLY FADE TO BLACK.)

 

THE END.

 

*This piece may not be archived, reproduced or distributed further without the author’s express permission.