36 feet of earth risen from the ground.
Sometimes the earth itself
raises a hand in prayer.
Sand spilling down its face, the hill
across the blacktop from our cheap apartment
sang invitation. Sang freedom. So
we ran, clambered up its almost impossible
angle until we stood
perched atop a lip of dirt as thin
and crisp as light. The wind in our hair.
A choir of insect leg sirens titillating
the open space below us.
Nothing between us and the ground
but sand as fine as a beach arc,
just enough to catch a body in motion.
We ran over and over into nothing.
Filled the sky with our fall,

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I want to find the porch
of the poem. I think
if I could just stand there
with one fist pressed hard
against the ache at the base
of my spine, if I could stare off
toward the sea of neighboring mountaintops
whose clouds threaten to make
common cause with my own darknesses –
then I could turn and pass over
the threshold, entering deep within.
My mother warns me that the corners
of this rough room have overlooked spaces
where light never reaches. Having seen
the heart of the house already, time
after time unchanging, she thinks
it would be just as well
to rest on the porch and wait
for night to fall full upon you
because, after all, hunger and cold
will drive you inside soon enough,
where more work is still waiting
once you get past the scenery.

my child, you will ascend water.

it doesn’t matter what
your feet and bones are made of.

let go of the happy bullshit
and do the worm through this
life.

at your best, you are
a comical and clumsy creature—
and it is a mechanism of beauty.

you have permission to do what
you can to survive.

i’m going to let you in
on one of my holy observations:
people are better-off broke, and
running hot with want.

take it from me,
the depths, bread of life,
it doesn’t matter who you think
you are.

black ice is black ice until it isn’t;

i’ve been make-believe,
a gardener more than once,
betrayed for 30 pieces of silver
and prestige.

living in a body is only
groundwork.

sister, i invite you to blunder
your heart out for goodness’ sake,

you are the glue that holds Father;
not the other way around.

there is only evidence
of Father in this tangible world—
how ghostlike he is.

you and i, we die, make Father
important.

there is no meaning to route;
meaning is received in the organic
unfurling of a lifeline, total failure,
taking a good risk and adapting
to a mutation.

life is like that, a circle of knowing
and unknowing.

remember,
the three blind men and elephant—

i ask you: what the hell are you
holding on to?

i, myself, am good
and done with performing miracles—
just clues and enigmas
from here on out.

will you blame me?

here is the book of Deuteronomy
to aid you when the devil shapeshifts.

remember, all of this is for you—

carry close every ethereal and smoky
thing i bestow.

here is a burning bush
for when all falls dark.

because,
in lesson, i turn my back on you.

Little by little, the Chesapeake Bay Bridge
gives itself back to ocean storms;
c o n c r e t e and s t e e l dust blue crabs
and oysters in the depths;
some people pay to be driven                    across,
shudder in their own passenger seats.
There’s harder things to be scared of
than a bridge, like seahorses
or pine trees,
but then there’s reflections:
each wrinkle a desert road,
lost reception,
water gone;
shadows living in skin;
the body’s flaps and folds.

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wake into

your body

s’ soft ache

watch as the day

unhinges

its jaw

promises

to devour

this quiet want

how quickly

the light

empties

how small

the animal’s

cage

can you see

the darkness

gathering

a murmuration

of arrows

overhead

Count the bullet holes in the seat cushion slowly—show me
their intricate linguistic pattern near my cheek. Keep the car running.
Keep the radio on. Point me toward the inside of the house
so this won’t result in injury.

Shift into gear without thinking—like something ready to put on
the brake. Imagine we are good company. Imagine we are only in this
for the ride. Never imagine the door is an exit—say so—

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It was the night of the Worm Moon,
low and full in the March sky, though
we couldn’t see it, not under
our wool blanket of clouds. You
were standing at the counter cutting
vegetables when I offered you two
paper cranes — folded triangles

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The way my mother tells it,
I ran away. She didn’t shove me
out the front door at sixteen.
Afterwards, she remembers my little sister
possessed by a poisonous anger
but has no recollection of dragging her
through the house by her hair.
The history of our family was oral,
repeated to herself
in the splotched bathroom mirror,
where everything came out backwards.
Backwards everything came out
of that mirror, where she repeated
our family history, with no recollection
of dragging my sister through the house
by her hair, of her own poisonous anger, or me
at sixteen, pleading at our front door.
She didn’t shove me.
I ran away.

Sword in the bonestone. Blade rhumb lining the tongue. I
was really sick but didn’t know it. One by one the
acupuncturist tlcks out the rostrum-like pins—forehead
cheeks chin—save for the splinter embedded in the
meridian of my soft spot, crown of the governing vessel.
Monster irresistible like the rhinoceros. Spiny spiky anteater.
Hedgehog cousin. Half-squamate, half-woman dwelling in a
cave no outside world’s iron age pierces. When I press the
antenna hidden in my skull the mind’s long lists of past due
& to do & will it so. When I press harder that axis of a planet
yet discovered: blood temples; glass blowing nerve hiss; salt
of tinnitus. Harder still—a jet shatters the sound barrier of
retrograde amnesia, a bolt of lightning fernseeds dream into
channels. Like a finger in the dam or a cork in the socket,
it’s the plucking out of the stoppering—not the arrow
spearing the heart—which kills you

When the sea breeze makes its way inland
through all of the cranes & concrete forms

of downtown, past the new floor-to-ceiling
windows, & in amongst the suburbs’ shadow

box fences, I watch the palm fronds behind
my computer monitor alternate between

a mild daze-like sway & orgasmic tremble.
Sometimes I fantasize about what a release

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