9 January, 2018
BLOODLINE
For Izzy
The day that my insides
became my outsides (the brown mess clotted
under my freckled nose
lips curdled with curious disgust)
I stared at my older sister your mother
as she brushed her wet hair
in the bathroom
One one-hundred, Two one-hundred
to the same rhythm as yesterday
like nothing had changed
I stood on the sepia tile and counted
Four one-hundred, Five one-hundred
My face was red-hit
like the insides that had recently
become outsides
I thought she would be able
to read what happened
in the crimson air over my head—She could read
so much else that happened
in the air over my head
like my insides were outside
I waited for her to see that I was a woman,
that now she should start teaching me
how to curl my hair and smell like summer
Six one-hundred, Seven one-hundred
But she glared over with question marks for eyeballs
Why are you staring at me
My mother your grandmother must have mouthed
what happened in my underwear
because your mother my sister
suddenly made me a ruby necklace of her arms
you poor thing, you poor thing
and I might be imagining it, but I think she cried
insides pouring outside
Eight one-hundred, Nine one-hundred
She drove me to the Pacific Ocean
like the salt and the waves could clean
my blood stained outsides inside
As the waves went back and forth,
I began to count
Ten one-hundred, Eleven one-hundred
all the wounds and all the blood
I didn’t know about yet