21 May, 2018
KENNEDY’S ACOLYTES
A full-length play with six women – nine without doubling by JACK GILHOOLEY
On the the evening of November 22, 1963 in rural Western Ireland, three mid-teen-age girls grapple with the news that U.S. President John F. Kennedy has just been assassinated. Fifty years later the three reconnoiter at the same – but different – town square. Like the community, they have undergone radical changes some for the good and some otherwise. The three characters should be played by SIX ACTRESSES (three ingénues and three older). After the opening scene, the three young actresses can play the US college radio interviewer, the young Irish waitress and the young tinker mother in Ireland. Or three other actresses can be used.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Deirdre mid teens, then in her mid- sixties
Oona “ “ “ “ “ “ “ ALL SPEAK WITH A BROGUE EXCEPT
Eileen “ “ “ “ “ “ “ OONA IN SCENE III AND ARIEL
Ariel a US college co-ed, a campus radio personality in 2013
Maggie an Irish waitress, Eileen’s granddaughter, 19 yrs old in 2013.
Mary a young Irish gypsy…tinker…traveler in 2013
SCENE ONE: A basically empty town square (A bench? A streetlamp?) in Ireland. There’s a shabby sign at the edge of the stage reading Doyle’s Public House. The bar itself is offstage.
TIME: Evening, Nov. 22, 1963.
SCENE TWO: A US college radio studio. Basically consisting of a table and two chairs with two mics and indications of the venue e.g. ON THE AIR sign. Little else.
TIME: mid-November, 2013
SCENE THREE: Doyle’s Public House in the same rural town square. It is slickened now with neon and tablecloth dining. It’s hardly the shabby (offstage) pub hinted at 50 years ago. It is now a respectable restaurant with the practically mandatory – for Ireland – picture of JFK.
TIME: November 22, 2013
JACK GILHOOLEY 6620 Grand Point Ave., Bradenton, FL 34201 941 351-9688
Deirdre and Oona are heavily dressed against the late November elements. Each carries an unlit flashlight (“torch”).
DEIRDRE
How close did you get?
OONA
I could touch him.
DEIRDRE
So did ye?
OONA
Lord, no.
DEIRDRE
Why not?
OONA
I was afraid.
DEIRDRE
Of what?
OONA
The whole situation.
DEIRDRE
Were you afraid of Kennedy?
OONA
Course not. But he had these big bruiser-type guards.
DEIRDRE
He coulda left them home. He didn’t need them here. In the states, yeah. But not in Wexford. We’re civilized over here. Except on the football pitch. Rumor had it that he’d move over here when his presidency was over. And why not? He’d be able to walk into any pub in the land without guards. The gents wouldn’t have let him buy a round. Lift a jar an’ have a bit of craic with the boyos. A game of darts or two. Then home for dinner with Jackie and the wee ones. Little John-John woulda been old enough to join a football club. His da would have been a sponsor. Take alla the lads out after a match. Treat them to sweets and such. Grand it would be, for sure.
OONA
(Beat) Somehow I never saw that happening.
DEIRDRE
Why not? He could afford sweets for the lads. In that case ye should’ve reached out to him. He was shakin’ hands with any bogtrotter who could reach him. You mighta nicked his wallet.
OONA
I was frozen.
DEIRDRE
How could you freeze in June? If you were that close you coulda kissed him. If I was that close I’d’ve kissed him.
OONA
Deirdre!!!
DEIRDRE
That’s what I’d’ve done. I’d’ve snogged John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Right in front of Jackie. He’d have savored it.
OONA
I’m sure Jackie would’ve panicked over that. Imagine, Deirdre Flanagan as JFK’s teen-aged mistress.
DEIRDRE
That’s somethin’ you could brag about to your grandkids… snoggin’ the President of The United States.
OONA
I wasn’t thinkin’ about grandkids as the President of The United States was approachin’. I was thinkin’ I might wet myself. And I’d hardly tell my grandkids that I kissed the American president. They’d think there auld granny was a cheeky slag.
DEIRDRE
Then you could tell them that you wet yourself.
OONA
I wouldn’t tell them that even if I did. And I didn’t.
DEIRDRE
Congratulations, Oona. Discipline is yer middle name. Y’know, you’ll get nowhere in life bein’ fearful. Look at Marilyn Monroe.
OONA
What’s Marilyn Monroe have to do with it?
DEIRDRE
She sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
OONA
You call that singin’?
DEIRDRE
Not like any “Happy Birthday” I ever heard.
OONA
I seen it onna telly. And right there in fronta his family. It’s certainly not the way I sing “Happy Birthday”.
DEIRDRE
You’re hardly Marilyn Monroe. How would you sing to your lover?
OONA
Stop that kinda talk. I’ll never have a lover. I’ll have a husband. When the time comes. Lovers are for low-life scrubbers.
DEIRDRE
I hear that Marilyn was Kennedy’s lover.
OONA
You’re barmy. You’ve been readin’ those supermarket trash sheets. He’s a fine Catholic man with a wife and two lovely children.
DEIRDRE
So’s yer da.
OONA
Three lovely children.
DEIRDRE
Two lovely children an’ you.
OONA
Me da would never cheat on me mum.
DEIRDRE
Who’d have ‘im?
OONA
Yer not funny, Deirdre.
Geez, now it’s too late.
DEIRDRE
Too late at night? Or too late for you to snog Kennedy.
OONA
Geez, it was only last June. I’ll never have another chance to touch him.
DEIRDRE
They’ll probably have an open casket for the viewin’. You could fly over to Washington, get in line and touch him when you pass by. Kiss ‘em even. No need for security, now.
OONA
I wouldn’t touch a dead man.
DEIRDRE
Not even Kennedy? Why? Death is not contagious.
OONA
Well, snoggin’ seems to be contagious with you. You even kissed Gerald O’Malley behind the stables.
DEIRDRE
Where’d ye hear that?
OONA
Everybody saw it.
DEIRDRE
Who’s everybody?
OONA
Mary Catherine Monaghan. And me sister.
DEIRDRE
That’s everybody??? Those two are nobodies.
For your information, he kissed me. It was not mutual. He snuck up on me. And it wasn’t on the lips. If Gerald O’Malley had kissed me on the lips I’d have run home and washed my mouth out.
OONA
So it was a… well… a sneaky snoggin’. Did you confess it?
DEIRDRE
Course not. I was an innocent party.
OONA
Did you enjoy it?
DEIRDRE
(Shrugs) I might’ve enjoyed it if it hadn’t been Gerald. There was nothin’ to confess.
OONA
Gerald’s sweet on ye.
DEIRDRE
Well, I’m sour on Gerald.
OONA
What if it had been Billy Darby kissed ye’?
DEIRDRE
There’s no comparin’ Billy Darby to Gerald O’Malley. Billy wouldna hadda sneak up on me. I’d be there for the takin’.
OONA
Deirdre!
DEIRDRE
If it had been Billy I would certainly be goin’ to confession on Saturday. I probably wouldn’t even be brushing me teeth.
OONA
You’re barmy. I’d never lose my head like that over a boy.
DEIRDRE
Not even me brother?
OONA
Wha…You mean, Danny?
DEIRDRE
Aye,’at’s me brother, eh? An everybody knows you’re sweet on him.
OONA
Everybody, huh? Like Mary Catherine Monahan and me sister? I have no time for boys at this point.
DEIRDRE
Then you’ll not care that Danny’s sweet on you.
Oona does care that Danny’s interested in her and it shows.
OONA
You sure about that, Deirdre?
Before Deirdre answers, Eileen enters. She too, carries a flashlight. It is lit upon her entry but she turns it off immediately.
DEIRDRE
H’lo, Eileen.
EILEEN
H’lo, mates.
OONA
Hey Eileen, did ya hear?
EILEEN
That Kathy Doyle is preggers? Big surprise.
OONA
Old news. She fingered poor Robbie Ryan.
DEIRDRE
Everyone knows it was Billy Darby done the dirty deed.
OONA EILEEN
BILLY DARBY??? No, he wouldn’t of. That’s a bloody lie!!!
DEIRDRE
Did you think he was savin’ it for you, Oona?
EILEEN
Billy Darby didn’t do it.
DEIRDRE
How do you know?
EILEEN
He confides in me.
OONA
He what???
DEIRDRE
Wishful thinkin’, Eileen. Billy Darby has no interest in you. He was an altar boy.
EILEEN
Was an altar boy? Was he kicked out?
OONA
No, he’s seventeen. Last July.
DEIRDRE
July the 14th. Too old for the altar boys.
EILEEN
So, he’s fair game for anythin’, then? Even a Protestant.
DEIRDRE
An’ no doubt you’d offer him anythin’.
EILEEN
I never had to offer him anythin’. We’re goin’ out.
OONA
In yer dreams.
DEIRDRE
Not possible. Yer da won’t allow it. Nor would Billy’s folks.
EILEEN
So Kathy and Robbie Ryan are getting’ married.
DEIRDRE
It’s either that or the Magdalene laundry for Kathy.
EILEEN
Not a bad deal for Kathy. Robbie’s father owns a service station. Cars will always need gas. She couldn’a done better on the up an’ up.
DEIRDRE
With her mug, she couldna got a lad on the up an‘up.
EILEENR
Maybe the baby will look like him an’ not like her.
OONA
Him? Billy Darby or Robbie Ryan?
EILEEN
Robbie, I guess. Not that he’s any great shakes. So what more could a homely girl ask? Sometimes it’s not such a bad idea to get yerself up the pole—
DEIRDRE
Kennedy’s dead.
EILEEN
Yer kiddin’.
DEIRDRE
Shot to death.
EILEEN
Who done it?
DEIRDRE
They got a guy but he’s only a suspect.
EILEEN
Bridie Keough musta done it. She never forgave Dermot for givin’ her the boot and takin’ up
with Bridget O’Shea. An’ Bridie’s da is a hunter with plenty of rifles in the house. If the garda needs any evidence, I’ll be glad to offer my opinion.
OONA
G’wan, Bridie wouldn’t harm a fly.
EILEEN
You dunno Bridie the way I know—
OONA
Will you get over Bridie and Kevin Keene? Kevin never knew you existed. It’s not like Bridie set out to steal him from someone who never had him.
EILEEN
I never had him cause I was playin’ hard to get.
OONA
Well, you sure succeeded at that game. By the time you decided to warm up to Kevin, Bridie had him.
EILEEN
I could get him if I thought he was worth it.
DEIRDRE
You two stop yer babblin’. We’re not talkin’ of Dermot Kennedy.
OONA
Course not. It’s John Kennedy been murdered.
EILEEN
Lucky Dermot. Who’s John Kennedy? That’s Dermot’s cousin from Cavan?
DEIRDRE
JACK KENNEDY, YOU NIT!
EILEEEN
(Calmly) Oh, Jack Kennedy. Why didn’t ye say so? Well, that’s America for ye.
OONA
“…that’s America for ye”. That’s all you have to say?
EILEEN
Whataya want me to say? Hooray for America? Ye killed yer own president.
OONA
The greatest man in the world is dead.
EILEEN
Don’t gimmee that. I thought you girls figgered the pope is head man.
OONA
One or the other. Depends on who you talk to.
EILEEN
Not if yer talkin’ t’me. Ask me, why don’tcha? I’d vote for Gary Cooper.
Oona, I know you travelled to Wexford to see him last summer. An’ he looked like a movie star.
OONA
But not Gary Cooper. Is that what yer sayin’?
EILEEN
But “the greatest man in the world…”???
OONA
You weren’t there. You didn’t feel the excitement. You couldn’t have known.
EILEEN
True. I’m no fool. I watched it on telly at me sister’s house. An’ me da says Kennedy took orders from yer very same pope. Says that they’re building a special addition to the White House for The Pope’s personal quarters. Financed by the stupid taxpayers.
DEIRDRE
Did yer da figger that out drivin’ his lorry?
EILEEN
There’s nothin’ shameful about drivin’ a lorry. (To Oona) Least he’s not a greengrocer. (To Deirdre) Or a postman.
OONA
(To Eileen) Spoken like a true atheist. Did yer aul da tell ye that Kennedy was plannin’ to kill alla the Prots?
EILEEN
PROTESTANTS AREN’T ATHEISTS!!! TAKE THAT BACK!!!
OONA
MAKE ME!!!
They skirmish briefly. Deirdre intercedes.
DEIRDRE
Enough. This is a solemn time.
They desist. Suddenly, Eileen starts to cry.
OONA
There’s her true colors. I hardly hit ya an’ here comes the water works.
EILEEN
I’m not cryin’ from you. I’m cryin for…Kennedy.
Deirdre and Oona look to one another.
DEIRDRE
You changed yer tune.
EILEEN
I knew he’d… been shot. I hadda steal outta the house cause I can’t cry over Jack Kennedy at home. Me da would hit the ceilin’. Give us a fag, Dee.
DEIRDRE
I stopped smokin’.
EILEEN
You just started smokin’. An’ yer stoppin’ already? That’s dumb. You wanna be some kinda weird duck? Everybody smokes.
DEIRDRE
That’s why I stopped. Plus, it stunts yer growth.
EILEEN
Well then, I’m glad I started at 13. I’m just the height I wanna be.
OONA
Christy Brady’s six-foot-five an smokes like a chimney.
DEIDRE
He’d be six-foot-ten if he didn’t smoke.
EILEEN
Who’d wanna be six-foot-ten?
DEIRDRE
Christy Brady might. Then he could go to the states and play basketball at some college.
OONA
That’s the only way Christy could get to college.
DEIDRE
His family could afford it. But he’s a thick, that one.
OONA
Dumb as a rock.
EILEEN
Sorry, Oona. I was way outta line at a time like this.
They shake hands, unenthusiastically.
EILEEN
An’ this guy they caught. His name is Oswald.
DEIRDRE
Oswald? He musta been mad at the world with a name like Oswald. He shoulda killed his parents for naming him Oswald. Why take it out on Kennedy?
EILEEN
Oswald’s his last name.
OONA
Still, it’s no reason to kill the president.
EILEEN
I gotta go home. Listen to me old man gloat. And lift another pint in praise of Oswald, The Assassin. Crikey.
OONA
That’s disgustin’ An’ no need t’leave. You just got here.
EILEEN
I tole ye’. I come out for a good cry. Besides, I hafta go t’the jacks.
OONA
You can go in the bushes. We’ll watch out for ye.
DEIRDRE
Why doesn’t yer da move to the North if he can’t stand most of his neighbors?
EILEEN
He doesn’t move north cause me mum wouldn’t go with him. Nor would I.
OONA
And where else would ye find such lovely friends as us, eh Eileen?
EILEEN
I was just cryin’, Oona and now you’re makin’ me laugh.
She smiles and exits as she lights her flashlight.
DEIRDRE
Prots aren’t atheists.
` OONA
I know.
DEIRDRE
You still believe what Sister Agatha told us back in 3rd class.
OONA
I never listened to Sister Aggie. If I ever thought about a vocation, she put the kibosh on it.
DEIRDRE
What’s “kibosh”?
OONA
Figger it out.
DEIRDRE
You mean you thought about the convent back in 3rd class?
OONA
Well, Aggie planted that seed in me head. Didn’t you ever think about the convent?
DEIRDRE
For about five seconds. So what happened with you?
OONA
I started noticin’ boys.
DEIRDRE
I should hope so. You’ve got six brothers.
OONA
You know what I mean. I started noticin’ boys like you started noticin’ Timmy Reilly.
DEIRDRE
Nothin’s gonna come of that.
OONA
Yeah, that’s what Timmy told ye.
` DEIRDRE
You’re a little bitch, Oona.
OONA
So be it. I’m goin’.
DEIRDRE
You think Eileen an’ Billy—
OONA
I dunno. Could be. She’s awful pretty.
DEIRDRE
For a Prot, yeah. But she’s not as pretty as Billy is cute. He deserves better.
OONA
That’s the trouble with men. It’s always looks that matters most.
DEIRDRE
The assassination will be all over the telly.
OONA
Why can’t they just let him rest in peace?
DEIRDRE
It’s what people want. It’ll be on for days to come.
OONA
Me mum was sayin’ a rosary when I left the house.
DEIRDRE
Lotta good that’ll do Kennedy, now. Does she think prayers will bring him back to life?
OONA
She’s locked into tradition even if it makes no sense. You know our mums. They’re really prayin’ for themselves to heal. To take the pain away.
DEIRDRE
There’s no mention of the rosary in The Bible.
OONA
You’ve never read The Bible.
DEIRDRE
So what. I have it on good authority.
OONA
What good authority?
DEIRDRE
My cousin Brendan is in the sem. Studyin’ for the priesthood. He says that even the mass isn’t in The Bible.
OONA
Some priest he’ll make.
DEIRDRE
I don’t think he’ll stick it out. Father Molloy pushed him in.
OONA
Misery loves company.
DEIRDRE
I think that’s confessable talk.
OONA
Why? It’s not a curse.
DEIRDRE
True. But it sounds like you blasphemed.
OONA
So be it.
I kept me gob shut with mum. Her rosary is a habit. Leave her to her habits. No harm done. I’m goin’ right to bed. Try to kip, though it won’t be easy.
DEIRDRE
We’ll get over this.
OONA
No, Dee. We’ll never get over it. Tomorra I’m gonna write a poem about JFK’s death.
DEIRDRE
That should be fun.
OONA
It’s not meant to be fun. It will be an elegy.
DEIRDRE
What’s an elegy?
OONA
A poem for the dead.
DEIRDRE
I don’t need to hear that, then. You an’ yer poetry. It sounds pretty but none of it makes any sense. It doesn’t even rhyme.
OONA
It’s not meant to rhyme.
DEIRDRE
Then it’s not poetry. It’s just some gibberish that you call poetry. So what’s the point?
OONA
Poetry doesn’t have to rhyme to be poetry.
DEIRDRE
That sounds like an excuse from someone who can’t even rhyme “moon” with” June”.
OONA
The poems I write are exercises.
DEIRDRE
If I wanna exercise, I ride me bike.
OONA
It’s an instinctive thing with me.
DEIRDRE
Emphasis on “stink”.
Eileen reenters. Her flashlight is out.
EILEEN
Me torch went out an’ I have no batteries.
OONA
So? You know the road. You’ve walked it every day of your life. Just follow the sound of yer drunkin’ da’s cheering Kennedy’s death.
DEIRDRE
You don’t need a torch.
EILEEN
I can find my way home. But they’ll call “time” soon at the pub. Those boozers will never see me in the road without a torch. So Dee, you live just beyond me an’—
DEIDRE
I know where I live, Eileen.
(To Oona) At least we got a day off from school on Monday.
OONA
I’d rather we went to school an’ this never happened.
DEIDRE
OK, OK , Eileen. Let’s head off.
Deirdre lights her flashlight and she and Eileen head off.
DEIRDRE
Slan (pro. Slawn), Oona.
OONA
Slan, Deirdre.
EILEEN
Slan, Oona.
OONA
Slan, Eileen.
Oona is alone now and she reflects…
OONA
(To herself) I shoulda reached out an’ touched him.
She stares straight ahead with her lighted flashlight under her chin.
OONA
(To herself, grimly comic) I’m the Grim Reaper, here to claim another one.
She exits with her flashlight beam on the road.
END OF SCENE ONE